Imagine Me Shaking My Fist At Your Grammy...

I'm a bit late on this because it's been (as the kids say) mad hella busy. Nevertheless, I've pulled away for a spell to talk smack about the Grammy nominations this year.

I've always maintained that music awards, particularly the MTV VMAs, are of very little value. Who cares if you get a statue? It doesn't validate your musics, especially if it's awful. These days, Grammys aren't worth shit. They give them out to anybody. Hell, Glassjaw once had a Grammy-nominated album (for best artwork!). Think of all the musicians who won Grammys and never did anything of substance again: No Doubt, Milli Vanilli, Erykah Badu, Dirty Vegas, etc. Nelly has won a Grammy and I hardly think that puts him in the same universe as Kool Herc, Crazy Legs, or Rakim. The only award that ever matters is the Nobel Prize because I'm personally gunning for that. I don't know for what yet, but I'm still in my early 20's, so I have some time to think about it.

Record of the Year:
Mariah Carey: "We Belong Together" (She's still around?)
Gorillaz Featuring De La Soul: "Feel Good Inc."
Green Day: "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams" (Haven't they won enough? Regardless, I'm pretty tired of hearing anything from Green Day)
Gwen Stefani: "Hollaback Girl" (This song had a legion of white sorority girls telling the world to "Hollaback," the world responded by mailing out millions of applications to Applebees)
Kanye West: "Gold Digger" (Not the best song on the album)

Hopeful: "Feel Good Inc." (The song ruled. It was the strongest cut from "Demon Days" and it has some of the best De La verses on it)

Album of the Year:
Mariah Carey: "The Emancipation Of Mimi"
Paul McCartney: "Chaos And Creation In The Backyard" (He hasn't made a good album since "Band on the Run.")
Gwen Stefani: "Love. Angel. Music. Baby." (This is THE worst piece of shit ever committed to plastic. Just as bad as Aiden's "Nightmare Anatomy.")
U2: "How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb" (Hey U2, your album came out in November of 2004, therefore, your shit shouldn't qualify.)
Kanye West: "Late Registration"

Hopeful: "Late Registration" (It's a bit more well-rounded than "College Dropout." West trades the rawness of his debut for a less annoying flow.)

Song of the Year:
Rascal Flatts: "Bless The Broken Road" (Meh)
Bruce Springsteen: "Devils & Dust"
John Legend: "Ordinary People" (Like Kanye, John Legend was all over the place this year, needless to say I got pretty tired of this song fast.)
U2: "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own"
Mariah Carey: "We Belong Together" (Anything Jermaine Dupri touches is grounds for wackness)

Hopeful: "Devils & Dust" (Removing the fact that it's only song on this list that didn't piss me off, Springsteen should get an award for standing up to corporate giants like Starbucks and looking good well into his 50's)

Best New Artist:
Fall Out Boy (Grammy's have been like TRL for the past few years, so I wouldn't be shocked if Fall Out Boy won for the terrible album "From Under the Cork Tree.")
Keane
John Legend
Ciara (Didn't her album come out last year, too?)
SugarLand (This pop-country shit has gotta stop. Shooter Jennings needs to be on this list, not Sugarland)

Hopeful: Keane (While I dug John Legend, Keane is clearly ready to be the next Travis, meaning that they'll grow and progress with time and will be completely ignored by the general public)

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance:
Mariah Carey: "It's Like That"
Kelly Clarkson: "Since U Been Gone" (I guess American Idol has to be good for something)
Sheryl Crow: "Good Is Good" (Sheryl Crow had a record out this year?)
Bonnie Raitt: "I Will Not Be Broken"
Gwen Stefani: "Hollaback Girl" (I'll Hollaback alright. My fist will holla to your face, you hack)

Hopeful: Kelly Clarkson (Her songwriters gave her some pretty catchy tunes for her sophomore album)

Best Male Pop Vocal Performance:
Jack Johnson: "Sitting, Waiting, Wishing" (Just because millions of frat boys buy your records doesn't mean that you're not ripping of Dave Matthews)
Paul McCartney: "Fine Line"
Seal: "Walk On By" (Seal had a record out this year?)
Rob Thomas: "Lonely No More" (You can't spell chump without this guy)
Stevie Wonder: "From The Bottom Of My Heart"

Hopeful: "From The Bottom Of My Heart" (Stevie Wonder should win this by default. The people he's pitted up against are not worthy to shine his shoes, and that includes Sir Paul.)

Best Rock Performance By Group or Duo:
Coldplay: "Speed Of Sound" (Boring, trite and dull. Shouldn't even be considered)
Foo Fighters: "Best Of You"
Franz Ferdinand: "Do You Want To"
The Killers: "All These Things That I've Done" (This band is the end result of detox and those "I Love the 80's" specials)
U2: "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own" (I know this song is about cancer, but seriously....)

Hopeful: "Best of You" (Foo Fighters are the only ROCK band on this list)

Best Rap Album:
Common: "Be"
Missy Elliott: "The Cookbook" (This album is pretty horrible, even by Missy standards)
Eminem: "Encore" (Has there been a year since 2000 where Eminem didn't have a Grammy nod?)
50 Cent: "The Massacre" (BS...still the edited version rules because they replace swearing with gunshots)
Kanye West: "Late Registration"

Hopeful: "Be" (It's that good)