warped tour + "hackers" = underworld: evolution...the soundtrack!

Various Artists
"Underworld: Evolution Soundtrack"
(Lakeshore)

It's the return of Chasing Coolness Funtime Review:

Underworld: Evolution Soundtrack: Hi, I'm the soundtrack for a sequel to a movie that did marginally well, yet was panned across the board by horror/sci-fi fans alike because I had a badass story that went absolutely nowhere. You'd think that the cash in on "Underworld 1" was over with the release of the special edition DVD, but it's not.

Anyway, like the "Blade" and "Judgement Night" soundtracks*, I'm made up of electronic producers who've teamed up with the world's leading pop-punk and "metal" labels (Vagrant, Victory, and Roadrunner) to put together an obviously bad idea. Even though another pop-punk meets techno soundtrack came out ages ago and failed, I won't because I have Aiden on my tracklisting!

Atreyu: ROARRRR!!!! We're Atreyu. We have a song on the soundtrack that wasn't good enough to make the tracklisting of our upcoming NINE song album. It's not as sweet as our heinous cover of Bon Jovi's "Bad Name," but it's still pretty good. There's this one part where we go "RAWRRRR!!!" and then what's-his-name does a cool guitar solo on his guitar that looks like a broken toy.

Alkaline Trio: Even though we've been together for 10 years and we're still opening up for bands like My Chemical Romance, we're continuing our recent selling out by including a snazzy techno remix of "Burn" on the soundtrack. If you remember the tune, it sounded like a Linkin Park song, except not as good. Now with this electronica remix you can smoke pot and drop E while listening to our devlish music.

Aiden: Man, look at our press photo! We're just begging to be on a soundtrack to a vampire movie. The song that we gave "Underworld 2" is a single from our crappy CD. Sorry we weren't creative to write anything new. And for the 5 kids who bought our CD that this website slammed, don't worry, we'll buy you drugs and have sex with you.

The Lost Boys Soundtrack: New vampire movies and vampire soundtracks suck! We had the rockin' Doors cover by some band and that dude who played the saxophone for the concert beach scene. We rule, "Underworld: Evolution" doesn't!

Underworld Soundtrack: Yeah, nevermind...don't buy me. I'm only a huge waste of money and plastic. Go buy the new Some Girls album instead.

[*note: i realize that the 'blade' soundtrack was mainly electronic and hip-hop artists collaborating and 'judgement night' was rock and hip-hop artists, i was using those examples to merely demonstrate that this genre meets genre schtick has been done before. and by better artists.]