Shel is rolling over in his grave (or possibly planning his return as a ghost)

So everybody's favorite punk sites are a buzz with the wack-ass rendition of Silverstein's (the band, not the author/folk singer) "Smashed Into Pieces" on "American Idol." At first, the postings piqued my interest, then I realized that Ryan Heart, the wallet-chained douche who "sang" the song, just made the whole Myspace generation look bad.

Here's the score:
Jaded 20-somethings: 1
16 year old Hot Topic shoppers: -1
Old people: 2,000,006

If I were Shane Told and/or gang, I think I'd be a little bit embarassed. Silverstein is probably one of the few promising bands in the "screamo" genre; despite their pension for making cookie cutter pop-punk, they are actually technicially sound songwriters and musicians. This whole debacle makes both the band and their fans look like slightly misguided children.

The clip starts of with young Heart (he's 18!) growling like Cookie Monster -- as most vocalists in the genre do -- and explaining that the people on the show have never heard his kind of singing.

So let's break it down, kiddos:

Punk rock has been in popular culture for roughly 30+ years, within that period you have bands like Circle Jerks, GG Allin, Black Flag, Bad Brains who have opted to have more aggressive vocal performances.

Even if you go to recent bands such as My Chemical Romance, The Used and Fall Out Boy, each of those bands are platinum selling artists, meaning that at least 3 million people have heard the singing/screaming style of music. The judges also work within the music industry so they've at least heard of the phemonmena that is "screamo."

Then asshole goes into the audition room and arrogantly asks Paula Abdul what her name is.

Again, time for the breakdown:

Paula Abdul has sold millions and millions of records and she once did a duet with MC Skat Kat, an animated rapping cat that was possibly made to be the urban answer to Roger Rabbit. So I ask, you who's Ryan Heart? He's not even good enough to shine William Hung's shoes.

So clown shoes says "Fuck yeah," when Abdul asks him if he's going to be the next American Idol. She gives him a little shit for swearing on a family show and he goes off to "sing" the song.

Heart's version of "Smashed Into Pieces" is bad. Possibly worse than William Hung, "Laffy Taffy," "PopoZao," and techno music combined. His "screaming" is nothing more than throat-driven growl (as Travis from Piebald and Geoff from Thursday will tell you, that is no way to scream). As far as his singing prowess is concerned, it's not really singing as much as it is a nasal passage tribute to Jordan Pundik from New Found Glory. Unlike Pundik, however, Heart's voice cracks like a 12 year old boy. He sings flatly, off-key, and lacks any real range.

Keith Morris once said that the thing about hardcore is that you play so fast that no one notices how bad your singing is. If only that applied to young Heart. Without a proper backing band and a good voice, he's relegated to a lifetime of ridicule since this appearance will probably make an "Idol" outtakes DVD.

Here's the back-and-forth exchange between Simon Cowell and Heart that led to Heart's hasty exit:

Cowell: "Why on Earth are you here?"
Heart: "To stand out, to try something new."
Cowell: "I'm bored, go do it outside."
Heart: "Pffff. I'm bored with you. Pfff."
Cowell: "Good out you go."
Heart: "Fine. Later."
Cowell: "Out you go."
Heart: "Too hardcore for you."
Cowell: "Absolutely, you're really frightening."

Then, the judges mimic Heart's growls that actually sound better than his own serious vocal performance.

Breakdown time again:

Silverstein is not a hardcore band. Furthermore, anybody who wears a My Chemical Romance hoodie, a wallet chain, and rocks poorly dyed hair is not hardcore as well.

I kind of wished that Cowell laid into him a little bit more, but I think he really has his fingers on the pulse of the music community with his quick surmise of Heart's song, "I'm bored." Me too, Simon, me too.