mash-ups, remixes, and all the wackness in between

Part of buying a quality 12" single is that you're sure to get some pretty sweet remix tracks. Check 1995's "MVP" by the late Big L, BAM! "Summer Smooth Mix." And smooth it was. Showbiz and AG's "Next Level" side? BAM! "Nite Time Remix" by Premier. But finding remixes these days are pushed to either bootleg white labels or other people's mixtapes.

In the wake of the absence of maxi-singles, the world at large has jumped on the didd-ick of the next best thing: mash-ups. The term itselfs sends shivers down my back. For those over 40, a mash-up is basically a blend, an acapella of one track, backed with an instrumental of another. Despite the fact that DJs in various genres have been doing this for years, it really started to peak when DJs, no doubt from the UK, started using rock records to remix their sides. Soon, stuff like the "Satanic Versus" series and Danger Mouse's original series (like that super dope Nas remix) were all over records stores and being heralded as the second coming of 4th and Broadway.

But the shit really hit the fan when Danger Mouse's own "Grey Album" became the cornerstone of mash-up-ness, as well as a shining example of copyright infringement, sample clearance, and rule #4080. By that time (2004), everybody and their mom used the term mash-up. The worst possible combinations of music began popping up from "The Black and Blue Album (Jay-Z and Weezer)" to Fall Out Boy and Gym Class Heroes (if anybody wants to hear this musical atrocity, e-mail me). Then before you know it, Travis Barker, the little guy from Blink-182, plays a show with that wack-ass DJ A.M. (former DJ for Crazy Town, as it's proudly placed on his resume, seriously, check that shit), where Travis would play the beat of whatever record A.M. was running. What the hell? Haven't these people heard of "Keepintime?" Shadow only played that to open up his last tour for about a year? Jesus.

The fall out of all this mash-up madness, however, brings me to the example of every label in the entire universe putting out remix albums. And I thought mash-ups were bad. Though Verve had released two "Verve Remixed" albums previously, things really started to heat up with album number three, as it featured production from Dntel (the non-singer from the Postal Service) and Danger Mouse (surprise, surprise). Next thing I knew, I was shelving stuff like "Motown Remixed" which, to be truthful, is pretty good. Though for every "Motown" there were horrible remix records such as "Billie Holliday Remixed," "Beatles Regrooved," "Curtis Mayfield Remixed." I think that Billie, Curtis, John, and George should come back from the dead and kick the collective asses of anyone who worked on those records.

My head really exploded last week when I saw this: "Disney Remixmania." That has got to be a sign of the apocolypse. It's clear: we're all in trouble. At first I laughed and then when I saw DJ Skribble's dumbass face on the packaging (clearly for street cred), I felt like going to Disney World and throwing crap at the Tea Cup ride. Haven't these suits pissed on enough graves, musical legacies, and undermined the intellegence of the public enough? Fucking Disney Remixmania?

Enough is enough. No more mash-ups, unless you're blending at the club or on the air. No more remixes unless their own a proper bootleg or 12" single. If I hear about one more wack ass mash-mix-wack-tribute, I'm e-mailing Freddie Foxxx aka Bumpy Knuckles, and we're wrecking shit.

[*note: I realize that in this entire rant I left out Jay-Z and Linkin Park's collaboration. Well, for me to have the most respect for Jay-Z, I had to keep my knowledge of that album to a minimum. I'll respect the man for "Dead Presidents" but I won't respect him for working with a manufactured, pre-fab, crappy second-rate Biohazard and/or Anthrax]