The Worst Albums of The Year: 2005 Edition

As every year passes, I have a minor breakdown where I seriously can't believe that the record industry released some of the most awful things. It should be considered genocide because they're allowing the public's taste to be slaughtered by really horrible music. Any angry emotion I have is usually stored up for this part of the year. It's been that way since I was 9. Well, without further adieu....

THE WORST ALBUMS OF 2005!!!!

Aiden, "Nightmare Anatomy" (Victory)
Ooh, I'm so scared of vampires! Oh no Aiden, don't bite my neck! Aiden is a band that's all image and no rock. Fuck off you damn hacks.
Panic! At The Disco, "Stupid Title" (Fueled By Ramen)
A 15 year old's sad attempt to make a Depeche Mode album and having it sound like a drunk ass fool doing "Just Can't Get Enough" at a karaoke bar.
The Fall Of Troy, "Doppelganger" (Equal Vision)
Basically, these dudes rerecorded the good songs (hence the title "Doppelganger") from their self-titled debut and put it out on another label. What the fuck? I'm not buying the same shit twice and neither should the public.
Will Smith, "Lost And Found" (Interscope)
Hollyhood? You suck Will! I hope you have Jazzy Jeff's number on speed dial.
Idiot Pilot, "Strange We Should Meet Here (Reissue)" (Reprise)
To be truthful, this record wasn't completely horrible. Trite, yes, but it didn't get bad until the rap midway through the album. That was on the Crazytown-Shifty Shellshock-Bloodhound Gang tip. Who can take Idiot Pilot seriously after they kicked a dumb rap in the middle of their record?
Tony Yayo, "Thoughts Of A Predicate Felon" (G-Unit)
This dude got a deal because he was in prison and 50 shouted him out a bunch. But that's kind of like Pol Pot shouting you out.
50 Cent, "The Massacre" (G-Unit/Shady/Aftermath/Interscope)
Stupid cover, terrible songs. The edited version of this sounds better because they replace swearing with gun shot sound effects.
Hawthorne Heights, "The Silence In Black & White (Reissue)" (Victory)
Reissues are so dumb, especially if you sell 500,000 units the first time around. Anyway, this is a rerelease of a previously crappy album, so it's like taking another shit right after you had some bad diarrhea.
Atreyu, "The Curse (Reissue)" (Victory)
See above comment.
Avenged Sevenfold, "Lame Ass Metal Album" (Warner Bros.)
They have a song called "Bat Country." Bat fucking country. If metal could get any more stupid....
Finch, "Say Hello To Sunshine" (Geffen)
Finch pays tribute to Faith No More/Mr. Bungle frontman Mike Patton and fails in what I'd like to call "The Worst Album Since MC Hammer's 'The Funky Headhunter.'"
MxPx, "Panic" (Side One Dummy)
Not as bad as the disaster that was "Before Everything And After," but it still sucks enough to get on this list.
Acceptance, "Phantoms" (Columbia)
I'm gonna let the cat out of the bag here: Acceptance kicked out their former drummer because he was gay. Does that sound so accepting? The end result is a lackluster record that sounds like watered down Further Seems Forever for the Good Charlotte crowd. No wonder this record bombed.
The Starting Line, "Based On A True Story" (Geffen)
So apparently, these assholes did a bunch of interviews (check A.P. and Law Of Inertia) where they kept talking about how this album is influenced by indie rock bands such as Death Cab for Cutie. Where? It sounds like some bitchy brat leading a pop-punk band singing about sex and money.
Weezer, "Make Believe" (Interscope)
Rivers rapping? Generic songs about drugs? Hey guys, thanks for shitting on the legacy of Pinkerton. This steaming pile is supposedly the Weez's last record. "The Green Album" should've been their swan song.
Coldplay, "X&Y" (Capitol)
"Rock" music for people who buy their coffee from Starbucks and don't like Rock music.
Mon Frere, "Real Vampires EP" (Cake/RED)
A few years after they broke, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs finally have a tribute band! But unlike Karen O. and company, these children are not very good. Actually, I would liken Mon Frere to having your eyeballs ripped out of its sockets by a coathanger attached to a moving vehicle going to Wal-Mart to buy the latest Toby Keith CD.

Other bad bands worth mentioning, but not worth writing about in detail:
The Audition
June
August Burns Red
I Declare War
The Lashes
A Chance Without
Daphne Loves Derby
Gym Class Heroes
The Classic Crime (formerly known as Orizon)
The Academy Is...