mtv unveils the top 10 emcees of all time and the world laughs at the fact that mtv still exists

About a week or two ago, MTV compiled a list of the 10 greatest MCs of all time as put together by a bunch of people who have very little to do with hip-hop. It's taken me a while to address this "list" because, in the beginning, I didn't really give a shit. Then I started looking at the list over and over again. As you may imagine, I disagree with this list, or at least with the placement of each rapper. Here's the list:

10. LL Cool J
9. Eminem
8. Ice Cube
7. Big Daddy Kane
6. KRS-One
5. Nas
4. Rakim
3. Notorious B.I.G.
2. Tupac
1. Jay-Z

They had a list of honorable mentions with rappers who should've been on the top 10 (Ghostface Killah, Slick Rick, Black Thought), but I think what MTV failed to realize is that emceeing has very little to do with cultural impact, or sales, and more to do with actual talent and skill. Well, I guess I probably shouldn't have expected much from fucking MTV. Let's look at the top 10 "greatest" MCs.

LL Cool J: His first two albums and "Mr. Smith" were killer records, but as Jack Black said in "High Fidelity," "Is it better to burn out than to fade away?" Uncle L has commited more musical crimes on wax than any other rapper on the list. In the 20 years that James Todd Smith has had a career, he has three great albums and eight really shitty ones. Not to mention that (despite what the general public think) he got his nuts handed to him by the skinniest rapper alive, Canibus. The only people that think that LL Cool J is still good are people who haven't bought a hip-hop record since 1994.

Eminem: Dude is talented, but like LL, we've watched Em shamelessly plug a slew of sub-par rappers like D-12 and 50 Cent, as well as watched as he flushed his career down the toilet by putting out shitty records. Yes, Eminem is a great MC, but he's more of an honorable mention and not worthy of top 10 status.

Ice Cube: He promises the return of O'shea Jackson the Gangsta on his new album. His rhymes are at its best when they're paired up with QDIII's beats.

Big Daddy Kane: Kane fell off when he posed for "Playgirl" and got jacked for his jewels, but have you seen this dude lately? He still dusts new jacks like it was nothing.

KRS-One: Kris is the polar opposite of LL where he manages to put out great records, but they go largely unnoticed. If you've ever heard KRS lecture or seen his interviews, then you might've noticed that it's quite possible he is insane.

Nas: Number five? Fuck you, MTV. Yesterday, I wrote a lengthy personal statement about redemption. Since shedding his Escobar persona, Nas has certainly acheived redemption with his last three albums. He deserves to be higher than number fucking five.

Rakim: Number four? Fuck you, MTV. Rakim is not (was never) a marquee artist on the level of Jay-Z or Kanye West, but he undeniably influenced any rapper who came out of New York after 1990. Rakim should be number one on his name alone. The God will smoke you with half a stanza.

Notorious B.I.G.: Biggie was great. "Ready to Die" and "Life After Death" were classics out of the box, which seldom happened in the 90's. If you've ever seen his episode of "Behind the Music" or heard any of the Sway and Tech mixtapes, you'd also know that Big was one hell of a freestyle rapper. I have no beef with this selection, unlike....

Tupac: ...Tupac who doesn't deserve to be on this list at all. Tupac was a magnificent character, but we all seem to forget that the former MC New York was just a really sloppy rapper. I wouldn't even consider him an MC.

Jay-Z: Number one? Well, at least it isn't Ja Rule. Jay-Z is an okay MC. But okay does not constitute top 10 status. I can name five other rappers who aren't on MTV's list who could take Jay-Z out faster than broadband internet:

1. Mos Def
2. Too Short
3. Kurupt
4. Serch
5. Sage Francis

Those guys, three of which are hasbeens, would wipe the floor with Jay-Z and they are also far more deserving to be considered top 10 MCs, rather than the likes of Tupac or LL. Like I said before, fuck you, MTV.

PS: There are no women on MTV's list. That's fucked. Here are five female emcees who can take out Jay-Z:

1. Queen Latifah
2. Boss
3. Foxy Brown
4. Jane Doe (not to be confused with Jean Grae)
5. Lady of Rage