attn: fall out boy. make less shitty videos, in fact, STOP making videos and records

Fall Out Boy
"A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More 'Touch Me'"
(Island)

Six minutes and 46 seconds. That's how much of my life I will never get back because I momentarily became a chode and sat through Fall Out Boy's latest visual ejaculation for "ALLSCALMTM (it's a long ass song title, so I'm just going to abbriviate it)."

I can't stress how played-out this vampire shit is. How many vampire bands does the world need? And furthermore, Fall Out Boy is a very non-threatening, generic pop-punk band, so doing this "homage" to "Fright Night," "Lost Boys," "Ghostbusters" and "Blade" is like Louie Anderson trying to fit a pair of extra small Speedos. Or a thong. Try to erase that image out of your head.

Like their last disaster "Dance, Dance" FOB's "ALLSCALMTM" had a gaggle of 13 year old girls, and the 20 year old boys who love them, anticipating this piece of shit. I can't believe that a single of frame of this collection of bad acting, shitty plot and moronic guest stars was committed to film.

Anyway, the whole thing is pretty much a mess, with Fall Out Pete as the revenge-seeking vampire leading a rag-tag band of vampire hunters. Also, it wouldn't be a Fall Out Boy video without someone wearing clothing from Clandestine Industries, as well as the prominent usage of Verizon's new Motorola video phone. God, what a bunch of blatant fucking sell outs.

The whole movie/music video climaxes in the ghetto (I'm assuming this because all of a sudden there's a bunch of black extras and the token black rapper dude in Wentz's Decaydance crew), where Fall Out Pete tries to beat up the idiot singer from Panic! At the Disco and gets nailed and possibly anally raped by police officers. Then the shit ends with all the vampire hunters getting arrested and stupid vampire leader guy realizing that the cops and everybody else except for his equally stupid friends were part of the larger Vampire! At the Disco syndicate. End clip.

Fuck this video, fuck this band, fuck their label, fuck all of it because it all smells of corporate sponsorship and cheapening everything that Ian McKaye worked his ass off for.