shake the sheets: the 2k7 so far...

It's June, which means that we're at the halfway point of the year. It seems like a good time, if any, to compile one of those awesome lists that no one will give two shits about next week.

Best Pop Album
Tegan & Sara, "The Con" (Vapor/Warner Bros)
Guided by Death Cab guitarist Chris Walla, "The Con" finds the duo's brand of pop taking a turn for the darkside, Redman-stylee.

Rookie of the (Mid) Year
Dawhud
Brilliant lyrics, dope production. Dawhud's self-released album, "Basement Sessions," might be the best hip-hop album that you haven't heard yet. This dude has already blown up, it's just up to the rest of the world to catch up.

Best Hip-Hop Album
KRS-One & Marley Marl, "Hip-Hop Lives" (Koch)
It could be argued that these two heavyweights collaborated simply for the purpose of making a buck from nostalgic cats like me. It would've been easy for Kris and Marl to make a slap-dashed effort and a terrible, underwhelming release. But they didn't. They made one of the best hip-hop records in the last three years. In these days when dudes like T.I., MIMS, and Polow da Don are the go-to-guys for popular hip-hop, it's kind of nice to know that the older generation looms around the corner, ready to take these less-talented newbies down a peg or two.

Already Overhyped Artist
Lily Allen/Amy Winehouse
Aren't they the same person?

I Can't Believe They Fell Off
Little Brother/Justus League
I still have pretty high hopes for Phonte and Big Pooh, but that crew mixtape they put out. Mediocre when compared to the genius of "The Minstrel Show." Hopefully they'll get their shit together soon.

Worst Hip-Hop Album (So Far)
There are so many, I can't really pick one. Lil Wayne? He probably has some album/mixtape out there that I can tear apart.


Worst Pop-Rock Album (So Far)
Fall Out Boy (aka Fallzouutboi69), "Infinity on High" (Island Def Jam)
If I have to hear another goddamn commercial with a song from this stupid, terrible album, I'm going to go to Wal-Mart and start kicking soccer balls everywhere in protest.

curtis hearts tha white meat

[image sampled from nahright.com]

Man, oh man. I know that Chef Boyarfiddy is suffering some hard times recently. His record, "Curtis," has been pushed back, his boy Tony Yayo was responsible for assaulting a 14 year old kid and may or may not have ethered Stack Bundles, and his G-Unit clothing line collects dusts in TJ Maxxes all over the world, while Jay-Z sold Roc-a-Wear to ensure another five years of White suburban kids pretending to be in the "Big Pimpin'" video. The only thing that Fiddy has going for him is whatever publicity was gained from the sale of the shitty Vitamin Water he does ads for and chillin with some limey who was in an episode of "Friends" once.

Aaron McGruder once alluded, via "The Boondocks," that the secret to happiness is White women. Could Fiddy be a practitioner of this Boondocks/Zen philosophy? And if so, he's definitely going about it with some King Kong Fiddy steez. This might be one of the few times I'll actually give Mr. Cent some propers.

[Related Links]
Nah Right: Curtis is Fergalicious

without question, the greatest television show ever

The first time I caught onto "Cheaters" it was via an episode of the "Maury Povich Show" where he was showing clips with O.G. host Tommy Habeeb. I had all but forgotten about the show until a few years ago when, while battling a case of insomnia, I caught an episode with Joey Greco hosting the show.

It's easy to criticize the show for being showing people of certain ethnicities, social and economic backgrounds in a less-than-flattering light a la "Cops," but damn, do I ever enjoy watching these dudes get busted. While the authenticity of the show is questionable, you have to wonder that if this shit is true, then it has to suck being on national television in that context. You also have to wonder how much of the suspected cheaters who are called about are ever really cheating. For example, do they not broadcast footage or cases of guys who are actually pulling late nights?

Regardless, for as sleazy and gully as "Cheaters" is, it sure as hell way more entertaining and pleasing than "Flavor of Love" or "The Bachelor."

[Related Clips]

pierce the stupid mallpunk kids with the sharpest liquid sword

Pierce the Veil
"A Flair For the Dramatic"
(Equal Vision)

Here's a math equation to wrap your head around:

Dashboard Confession with twice the sucking power, plus Underoath's frantic sing/scream combination times Ashlee Simpson's stylists equals Pierce the Veil. How does that look on a quiz?

2s(DC) + U x ASS =

This band is monumentally terrible. Their clothes rock harder than they do. Fucking poseurs.

Sony Pictures...Hating the Internets, One 14 Year Old Kid At a Time

For you mickiefickies who don't spend all day looking up random shit up on Youtube/Google Video, "Superbad" is a movie opening this summer with Michael Cera (aka George Michael from "Arrested Development") and Jonah Hill, the scene-stealing chunk from "The 40 Year Old Virgin."

Last week, the redband (i.e. "R-Rated") trailer leaked all over the internet. This dirty version was much better than the greenband (i.e. family-friendly) version, if only for the scene in which Hill proclaims that he'd be the Iron Chef of pounding Vag. Then yesterday, all of the Youtube links mysteriously disappeared (Slashfilm offers an explanation), only to have the redband preview available at Superbad's official site. Trying to watch it proved to be somewhat difficult since I couldn't even access it with a birthdate of January 1, 1900. Bastards! After an alternate Google search, I finally found the badass redband trailer at Worst Previews.

Could this flick be the new "American Pie?" (which in turn, was the "Porky's" of 1999) Only time and DVD sales will tell.

[Related Links]
Superbad - Red Band Trailer
Superbad - Green Band Trailer
Michael Cera - Impossible is the Opposite of Possible

bah!

It just dawned on me over the weekend that through the all the busy work of getting my school ish, new reviews and other life things done and over with, I forgot to write a proper send off for my favorite television show, "Gilmore Girls."

Bah!

While the series finale was everything I knew it was going to be, it still didn't make up for the previous 21 episodes of the season, full of BS storylines, the exit of important secondary characters and lack of the show's fast-paced conversations between the title characters. Bah I say!

They didn't even tie up long-running story arcs or promise my dream spin-off, a show with just Kirk. Man, that would be totally sweet. But whatever, it's done. Gone. Probably should've canceled it at the end of season six, or at the very least paid the Palladinos to come back to write the last episode, a la "Dawson's Creek."

what up snitchez

backed with and stay off the crack...UPDATED!

believe that

dance, paris, dance

The chick is going back to the pokey and all is right with the world. That said, a new review:

Dance Gavin Dance
“Downtown Battle Mountain”
(Rise)

With their trite style and excruciating long song titles, Dance Gavin Dance makes me want to barf on a keyboard and shit in my Famous Stars and Straps shorts while listening to New Found Glory. This is the worst album I’ve heard since Fall Out Boy’s “Infinity on High.”

bummed

It's been a little while since I wrote something not related to music in some shape or form, but if there's a news item that makes my blood boil, then I have to go off in a semi-coherent rant about it.

Unless you've been stuck in a cave with Mary-Anne and the Professor not getting off the island, then you know that America's Sweetheart, Paris Hilton, was sentenced to prison and got out a few days afterwards citing some bullshit reasoning of a mental breakdown or some such.

What the fuuuu?

First off, the chick got put in the pokey for a DUI. Now while I don't put any stock in the capital punishment, that's one hell of a serious offense. Playing God and shouldering the fate of other peoples' lives in your impaired hands because you felt the need to get fucked up is bullshit. I have no sympathy for drunk drivers who've died in car accidents -- the victims I feel for because obviously you have no control whether a stranger decides to get bent before climbing into their vehicle. But that person who has been drinking has several choices including (but not limited to), calling a cab, staying at the bar/party until they sober up, calling a friend or NOT DRINKING. Damn.

I think the thing that irritates me most about this particular "news" item is that it shows Americans that if you're rich and white (but mostly rich) that you can pretty much get away with anything. I'm not sure how Hilton's jail term would've panned out had she ran over a person or two, but I'm certain that the most she would receive is vehicular manslaughter.

As if this country isn't a big enough joke, we let some spoiled ass kid off the hook for some BS reason. If it were me or any other non-wealthy person, we would've been raped by now. I've seen "American Me." Prison is no fucking Carrot Top routine.

The lesson learned here: if you're poor, the justice system works against you; if you have money, then your prison sentence is basically being grounded with some shitty bracelet around your ankle. (Personally, I blame MTV's "Super Sweet Sixteen" and "Laguna Beach," but I digress)

For shame, American justice system, for shame.

Come Widdit: Hour of the Wolf

Hour of the Wolf
Location: Arizona
Sounds Like: Rock & Roll Chaos!!!!

I haven't really heard any good hardcore bands in about a year or so. The last hardcore records I really got into were Sinking Ships' "Disconnecting" and Since By Man's "Pictures From the Hotel Apocalypse." Hour of the Wolf is the kind of hardcore band that I'd tell all my friends about so they can get in on the secret.

Their EP, "Waste Makes Waste," leads with this sick Chuck Berry-riff for the opening track "Taking Out the Trash" and continues on to barrel through "Black Blood." It's easy to peg these guys as psychobilly-meets-Kid Dynamite, but I assure you, this is pretty hardcore (in more of the melodic, traditional sense, and less like your typical Mallpunk Hardcore).