Why I am Not Watching "Watchmen"

As anybody who knows me is aware of, I'm sort of a comic book nerd. And not the kind of asshole who will dismiss every comic book movies because, let's face it, the print medium allows for a lot more leeway in terms of what can be accomplished versus the film medium. I love the Chris Nolan Batman movies as much as I love The Rocketeer and the three X-Men films.

Historically, Alan Moore's work has seldom translated well to film and Moore tends to distance himself from every bit of work of his that has been adapted (see: V for Vendetta, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell, etc.). Watchmen is by far most popular work (next to maybe "The Killing Joke") and with all the hype surrounding it, I'm far more interested in watching "I Love You, Man."

The fact of the matter is that Watchmen was a great story for the 1980s, but these ideals that were explored in the graphic novel have been redone and, in the case of Kingdom Come, done much better. More than anything, however, there's about a million douchebags who are just discovering this shit now which makes it all the more anti-climatic.

Boycott the Watchmen.

you! go buy the superbad soundtrack!!!!

[buy the soundtrack or Jonah Hill f**k you the f**k up]

I don't do this too often, but I'm telling you to go out and buy the "Superbad" soundtrack. See here's the thing: most people who read this blog are probably into bands on Fueled by Ramen, Jade Tree or whatever the hot hip-hop label is nowadays (let's just say Rawkus). But if you grew up on shit like Parliment, Ohio Players, Isaac Hayes or the Dazz Band, do yourself a favor and buy the "Superbad" disc. Why you ask?

Well, as I began working on it, I realized that all the tracks on the original score are played by some pretty top notch dudes, though most of them would go unrecognizable because kids these days don't appreciate the funk [1]: Bernie Worrell, Catfish Collins, Luis Conte, and Bootsy Collins.

The songs themselves aren't half bad either. I'm actually surprised that Steven Soderbergh didn't try to get these players on the soundtracks for "Out of Sight" or the "Ocean's" flicks. But his loss, which will be yours too if you don't buy this disc and get your head straight [2].

[1] For whatever reason, kids don't give a shit about the historical and revolutionary sounds of the funk, which is a shame if you ask me. I mean, who do you think Dr. Dre, Dilla and a handful of other producers milked their style from? Also, just because you listen to Aiden or My Chemical Romance doesn't mean that you can't open up your mind and listen to some Stylistics or The Spinners. What the hell is wrong with you?

[2] That is, if you like the funk.

Last Transformers-Related Post, I Swear

Over the weekend, I finally went out to watch "Transformers." I had to see it with my friend James because a) he's is also an 80's baby, so you have to watch it with your brethren, and b) he was the only one who wanted to watch it with me.

Here are some opinions before I get on to the jump off:

Michael Bay sucks
Michael Bay's movies suck (except for Con Air and/or The Rock)
Robots are cool
Megan Fox is pretty banging, but she's way too young (even though she's like 21)
Shia LeBeouf pretty awesome in the movie. Totally forgive him for that "Battle of Shaker Heights" flick, now.

So yeah, right off the bat, this movie is filled with little jabs and nerd humor including a Camero hitting the fuck out of VW bug and lifting lines from the original animated movie. I have a feeling Michael Bay is smarter than we give his commercial-directing-ass credit for since he put super hot girls as the female leads and he probably realizes that the demographic appreciated some of the not-so-subtle boob flashes. Despite these huge flaws, it was still pretty cool. Getting the original voice of Optimus Prime, Peter Cullen, to reprise his voice is fucking genius. Oh and John Turturro was a good add, too.

So yeah, while the movie lacked in certain aspects, all in all, it's probably my favorite sci-fi movie since "Sky Captain."

4th of july = transformers, bitches

["yo, where my killa tape?"]

So later tonight, theaters all over the United States will be premiering the live action version of "Transformers." All I have to say is "FINALLY!!!" The teaser trailer has been floating around for over 12 months and we are now able to see the finished product. Many hardcore fans are complaining about it since Michael Bay is at the helm, but seriously, who else are you going to go to for big ass explosions and shit? Not Paul Thomas Anderson, that's for sure. My only beef is that they didn't include Soundwave or Grimlock, but that's what sequels are for. Just ask Sam Raimi.

Anyway, with all this hoopla over the movie, I'm gonna go out and get myself a sweet Transformers tattoo, which is infinitely better than a lame ass Zune tattoo.

benefitting from synergy

Right now, no more than a block away from my office, there stands an actual, real-life Kwik-E-Mart. No joke.

In the greatest act of marketing ever, 7-11 (no doubt with a little push from 20th Century Fox) have turned some of their stores into Kwik-E-Marts, which is in conjunction with the upcoming "Simpsons" full-length feature. Seattle, luckily, is one of the cities to benefit from this synergy. I had the opportunity to snag a Slurpee -- or Squishy -- at the recently erected Kwik-E-Mart, emblazoned with images of The Simpsons and Comic Book Guy. At the front counter stands issues of "Radioactive Man," near the door are cases of Buzz Cola (as opposed to the ubiquitous Duff Beer -- though Fox probably doesn't want to market alcoholic products with their beloved franchise) -- and the employees donning the bright lime green colors of said Kwik-E. Yes, it's Springfield in the flesh.

Though I was in the store for a few minutes, it was a pretty surreal experience, which soured slowly as the local news team started taping for a story about the synergy. All cheap marketing ploys aside, when you're obsessed with a TV show like "The Simpsons" walking into an actual physical store, based on a fictional store, which is parodying a real life store is nothing less than mindblowing. Seriously.

Edit: This photo says it all:

Sony Pictures...Hating the Internets, One 14 Year Old Kid At a Time

For you mickiefickies who don't spend all day looking up random shit up on Youtube/Google Video, "Superbad" is a movie opening this summer with Michael Cera (aka George Michael from "Arrested Development") and Jonah Hill, the scene-stealing chunk from "The 40 Year Old Virgin."

Last week, the redband (i.e. "R-Rated") trailer leaked all over the internet. This dirty version was much better than the greenband (i.e. family-friendly) version, if only for the scene in which Hill proclaims that he'd be the Iron Chef of pounding Vag. Then yesterday, all of the Youtube links mysteriously disappeared (Slashfilm offers an explanation), only to have the redband preview available at Superbad's official site. Trying to watch it proved to be somewhat difficult since I couldn't even access it with a birthdate of January 1, 1900. Bastards! After an alternate Google search, I finally found the badass redband trailer at Worst Previews.

Could this flick be the new "American Pie?" (which in turn, was the "Porky's" of 1999) Only time and DVD sales will tell.

[Related Links]
Superbad - Red Band Trailer
Superbad - Green Band Trailer
Michael Cera - Impossible is the Opposite of Possible