Racism Still Exists in America; Chasing Coolness is Not Surprised

It's a rather bittersweet time to be a person who's interested in American politics. On the one hand, we're witnessing some of the most radical changes to the status quo in quite sometime (and granted it's not as radical as, let's say, the Marcos Exile in the 1980s or Castro taking Cuba, but give America a little credit) and yet it's marred with pictures like this.

These ridiculous tea-bagging (if you haven't seen the Rachel Maddow video, Google it; it's hilarious) parties that have been going on around the country just serve as a reminder of much closer to idiocracy we are as a society. I may not agree with these dumb events, but I'm not going stop them from congregating. I am, however, appalled (though not shocked) that for many people, it was more about their displeasure of having a Black man as our President. People are bullshit.

Fuck a Twitter

A few nights ago, Corey Ball and I went out and somehow in the conversation, Twitter was mentioned and thus spawned this post. Interesting, no?

I guess since most people (myself included) are so self-indulgent and feel the need to share every detail of their day, as if we're all interested in the fact that they had an apple bread panini for lunch, the concept of having a Twitter account is welcomed, if not slight novel.

I, on the other hand, am trying to break away from this Orwellian madness. That is, when I'm not writing in my many blogs. Snap.

The reality, at least for me, is that no one gives a shit about what I am doing because there's not much to tell. In terms of these blogs, I share whatever I feel like sharing and I can control it, which is why I rarely write about my romantic relationships and instead write about eight billion posts about how much I'm in love with french bread pizza and Jets to Brazil. Furthering my selection to a quick jaunt of minute-by-minute updates seems a little egomaniacal, even for me.

Just for posterity's sake, let me give you an example of what my stupid Twitter would look like on a Tuesday afternoon:

Working on a press release. 12:04 pm
Sent press release to client. 12:15 pm
Eating leftover spaghetti. This shit is wack. 12:45 pm
Working on a press release. 1 pm
@ my mom. Stop nagging me. I'll take out the trash whenever. 1:20 pm

My weekends wouldn't be very exciting either

Hanging out with the kid. 8 am
Hanging out with the kid. 8:30 am....

You get the point. I don't really have a problem with the concept of Twittering (as the kids say). The shit's just not for me, dig? It doesn't fit with my sweet lifestyle of talking like a newspaper reporter from the 1920's and the 1960's.

Chasing Coolness Doesn’t Understand the Appeal of Asher Roth; White People in Uproar

I never really understood what makes Asher Roth better than, let’s say, Prozack Turner, RA the Rugged Man, Miilkbone or a host of other white dudes who rap whose names aren’t Eminem or Vanilla Ice (that comparison was way too easy). In many ways, I should probably like Asher Roth just based on the fact that he looks/acts like the kind of guy I would hang out with. Except for the fact that that spot is already filled by my friend Corey Ball.

Unlike Corey, Roth doesn’t have a grasp on golden age classics (like the first three Tribe records) and most appalling of all is that his introduction to hip-hop was “Hard Knock Life.” Really? Hard Knock Fucking Life? This dude probably never heard of MOP prior to “Ante Up.”

But as is such, Asher Roth’s backpacker appeal with his Target model good looks has made him a lusted object for bloggers who are too afraid of Scarface to listen to real rap music and chicks who heart Danity Kane (or what’s left of them). Roth’s greatest asset is that he’s the semi-legit/edgy rapper that is there for when non-hip-hop rap fans are ready to graduate from MC Lars and MC Chris to something a little bit more substantial, which Roth is, particularly compared to the other two.

Yet sucky is sucky and I can’t deny that I would much rather listen to someone like Crooked I or Joe Budden than this lame ass carbon copy of the dudes from Lexicon.

I Can't Believe They Got Signed: Fonzworth Bentley

Universally known as Diddy's manservant and perhaps the precursor to Kanye's impeccable fashionable style, it was just a matter of time before Fonzworth Bentley was awarded his own record deal. He's been working on some record or another for a few years now and the song, "Everybody" is the first that I've heard of it.

I realize that it's all the rage to be somebody's weed carrier and get signed and put out a brick of an album (see: Rampage, Fatal Hussein and all of G-Unit) and at times they will eclipse their mentor (see: Jim Jones, The Game). Manservants, particularly of Bentley's fantastic demeanor, don't really fit into this category; and it doesn't mean that homedude should have his own album, either.

Not to say that "Everybody" sucks because it doesn't. It's just a really weak song that reminds me of the Soul Glo song from "Coming to America," or a random Ready for the World song.


Everybody


Soul Glo

Busta "Roid Rage" Rhymes Ethers That Guy from Gym Class Heroes; the World Isn't Surprised

The new Gym Class Heroes song, "Peace Sign/Index Down" features Busta Rhymes, who's probably the most notorious guest rapper for ether-ing you on your own song, bested perhaps by Ol' Dirty Bastard, who -- unlike 2Pac -- didn't record enough material to see posthumous guest vocals outside of Rhymefest's buttercup joint. Don't worry, Travis, it's a rookie mistake.


Gym Class Heroes getting Sonned by Bussa Buss "That Song About a Middle Finger"


Craig Mack featuring Biggie, Rampage, LL and Busta, "Flava in Ya Ear (Remix)"


B-Real, Coolio, Method Man, Uncle L, Busta Rhymes, "Hit Em High"


Tribe Called Quest featuring Leaders of the New School, "Scenario"


Every Popular Rapper from 1994/95, "The Points"

ruining my favorite comics

last week, james and i saw "forgetting sarah marshall" and the trailer for "wanted" played before the flick. ugh.

for those of you who aren't total nerds, "wanted" was this sweet comic by mark millar that was about a secret league of assassins; this movie makes said group look like a bunch of pussies with morgan freeman as (probably) the only redeeming quality of the flick. angelina jolie's in it but she tends to ruin movies for me (except for "hackers").

a few years ago, mark millar expressed interest in getting eminem to play the lead guy, which would've been much better since homedude looks like marshall mathers in the comic.

anyway, this trailer did not look appealing at all. what a crock of shit.

Tyga = Crossover Rap's New Jesus Christ

It's no secret that I'm not the biggest Gym Class Heroes fan. I could go on for another three paragraphs on my usual onslaught of comparing them to Crazytown, but what's the point? You little kids wouldn't know a good emcee if Rakim the God was in your living room doing "My Melody" for you and your mom.

This sentiment is proved by the unexplained popularity of Tyga, a Compton-based rapper who's currently shilling for Pete Wentz's Decaydance Records, also the home of Gym Class Heroes. Also, this Tyga kid the cousin of that Travis dude from said Heroes group. And who says nepotism doesn't pay off?

Earlier I shaved minutes off my life by watching Tyga's video for his debut single "Coconut Juice." First off, the beat is a total rip of circa-2001 Neptunes. It sounded too much like something that would've been on Clipse's "Hell Hath No Fury." In fact, Chad, Pharrell, Malice and Pusha T should pay Tyga a visit...with a cease and desist. The video also boasts a really odd cameo from Lil' Wayne who's just sitting behind a soundboard, playing with his cell phone.

The song as a whole sucks, and Tyga's not a very good rapper. I would liken him to Domino, and at least "Getto Jam" was catchy. "Coconut Juice" is pretty much a filler song that a DJ might play to take up space between "I Get Around" and "Big Pimpin'." What I find more disturbing is that little pop-punk kids will buy this shit and think of it as eclectic because they bought what they've been tricked into thinking is a rap record, when it's really a pop record with makeshift street cred.

Tyga, along with his Gym Class brethren, is just another dude who's joining Skee-Lo, Biz Markie and Kanye West in the line of Black rappers that White kids can listen to around their parents. I'm not trying to discount the talents of Skee-Lo, the Biz and (to a far lesser extent) 'Ye, but man, how about some Dead Prez? X-Clan? Poor Righteous Teachers?

I suppose my big gripe about Gym Class Heroes and Tyga is that for these kids who don't listen to hip-hop on a regular basis, the buck stops there for them. Most don't go off to discover Gang Starr, Blahzay Blahzay, The Click, Mac Mall or Shyheim. All these non-threatening rappers are just a clean, glamed up version of LCD (Lowest Common Denominator) Rap -- their records are cheaply put together, not well thoughtout and exist to only sell units and simultaneously destroy communities. If anything, Crossover Rappers like the ones who are signed to Decaydance only perpetuate the stereotypes of African-Americans that long-in-the-tooth rappers such as Common (Sense) have spent years trying to dismantle.

My solution: don't buy Tyga's new record and send his wannabe Sean Kingston-sounding ass back to flippin' meat at Fatburger. Instead, spend your money on the new Joell Ortiz record, or throw some money towards Crooked I -- there's a real Compton rapper who could use an album or five.

When In Doubt, Rip-Off the Brits

This isn't really news per se, but I forgot to post some shit about it when it was announced a few weeks ago, but the WB is giving the awesome late-90s British sitcom, "Spaced" an American run, all without the consultation of its original writers, Simon Pegg and Jessica Stevenson.

As proven with the failure of NBC's take on "Coupling," British shows are often difficult to transfer over to American television, game shows and "The Office," notwithstanding.

The only solace I can gain from this is that "Spaced" is finally getting a U.S. DVD release and so my poor bootleg can finally get some rest (I think I watch this show at least twice a week). Hopefully the American version will be so shitty, Pegg and the gang will reunite for a special to tie up the loose ends, not unlike "The Office Holiday Special."

kenny: welcome to the unemployment line

On every 13 year old's favorite website, one of my least favorite bands, The Starting Line, announced that they were -- in effect -- taking a break.

How many people cared (if it were 2001): 12,000,000,000,000,000,000,001

How many people cared yesterday: 2

The fiasco surrounding this shitty band's break-up was cooler than the actual announcement...and the band, as they did this via a "virtual press conference" (i.e. chat room).

Lesson learned: The Starting Line is calling it quits seven years too late.

Eisley > Feist

On his recap of the Grammys today, my favorite mudslinging writer, Bol, dusted this bit of knowledge god:

"In one of the essays that ran with this year's Pazz and Jop, one of those fruits took Feist to task for being, essentially, pretty much any guy's fantasy girlfriend. And not a whole lot else."

And even though the idea isn't completely his (but seeing how the internets isn't about accuracy and more about "substance"), I, too, am going to have to agree with this sentiment. As you may or may not recall, in a review I wrote about Leigh Nash's solo effor, "Blue On Blue," I pretty much said that she was better than Feist. And Jenny Lewis.

Oooh beef!

I think part of this feeling isn't entirely on Leslie Feist's petite shoulders. Her music has just been everywhere the past few years and at some point, you just need to call a moratorium on that shit. It's the same reason you don't hear "Macarena" unless you're at a wedding or a birthday party.

Feist is just overexposed to the point where every nerd bird sexless indie stereotype is just going to salivate over her and her overrated songs. It's the same reason I dislike Paramore so much (replacing indie archetypes with 15 to 25 year old Hot Topic shoppers).

As much flack as I'm going to catch for this, it' how I feel, but a band like Eisley is far more deserving of this kind of attention. And I don't mean the creepy, leering male fantasy kind. I mean, they deserve to be overexposed in TV commercials and on the Muzak channel at T.G.I.Friday's. Even though their last album, "Combinations," wasn't as immediate as "Room Noises," it eventually grew on me, and now it's my jam.

But in the end, the basis of this entire post is fairly sexist, so whatever. I just needed something to rant about.

Go be productive. I'm gonna get a pizza.

Seattle Public Library > Comcast

One of the perks of working for the man is that I occasionally have the luxury of working from home. If I have internet, that is. So today Comcast was supposed to turn on my modem (II) so I didn't have to spend New Year's Eve kickin' it at my office. The bastards were supposed to show up between 8 am and noon. Well they came, but they didn't even bother to press the buzzer.

Because the customer service rep I talked to last week didn't bother changing over my contact information, like I requested, the installer had my disconnected number. Though rather than attempt to hit the buzzer like he should have (my security is independent of phone service), he just assumed that because he had the wrong number that there was no one there, even though my friend was sitting there watching "Sesame Street" waiting for someone.

Due to "other things" I have to run around Seattle all day today, to and from the courthouse and I don't really have the time to fuck with Comcast. So instead, I'm finishing up the last bit of my work before the first holiday of the new year at the public library, whose kindheartedness is allowing me to "check out" their wi-fi.

So the lesson kids: Public Libraries > Comcast.

Dudes, M.I.A. sucks

As much as I should feel the need to support my fellow Asians and/or Brown people, M.I.A.'s rant (reposted with snarky comments by those brilliant minds at Idolator) is incoherent and makes me dislike her even more. If I could take away anybody's First Amendment rights, it would be hers. Waitaminute, she's not a U.S. Citizen.

Oh snap! Well in that case:

I, Ryan P. of Chasingcoolness.blogspot.com, am hereby publicly protesting the recording career and audio releases of the "rapper" known as M.I.A. (nee Mathangi Maya Arulpragasam) on the grounds that her music is terrible, her vocal styling is a cheap rip-off of Missy Elliott and that her blog entries are nothing but an all-caps mess of incoherent statements and ragtag British slang.

The fact that Ms. M.I.A. is not a United States citizen gives us, the American public, more than an ample opportunity to take away her rights to release her albums here in the States. I realize that this could set an unwanted precedence which could take away the rights of legitimate non-American artists such as Tegan and Sara, The Police, U2, The Stills or Choclair, but I hope that such a law could be exclusive to Ms. M.I.A.

I am urging you, the American public, to ban the unintelligeble tapestry of "words" by this woman known as M.I.A. We will be a stronger America without her.

Fucka Blake Lewis

I've been on the Blake Lewis hate train for quite some time, earlier today Idolator posted the video for the intelligently titled, "Break Anotha." Now I can throw in my two cents.

Dude, this shit sucks.

I'm not sure what's worse: the lava lamp effect, the fact that the video looks like it could've been made by EMF or Jesus Jones, or that the song itself sucks balls. Either way, it's the video and song plays out like a lesser version of that Eamon song that came out a while ago, except watching Eamon go buckwild at a pizza parlor is a lot funnier than the end fight at a Johnny Rockets.

a new generation of bands synomymous with $$$$

As Punknews.org and Idolator reported earlier today, my favorite band in the known world, Paramore (no Cam'ron peeing on the dude in the beginning of "Killa Season"), signed to Atlantic [1] and as a part of their contract, agreed to some arcane deal that allows the label to have their hands deeper into the band's pockets, as well as their touring profits and schedules, in exchange for a substantial cash offering (otherwise called a 360).

This all seems like a bad idea since labels are subsequently dumping large amounts of cash into a band and (probably) expecting to recoup their money as quickly as possible since the current model with major labels is turn a profit rather than turn out an artist. The good news is that if you like a band like Paramore, then you'll be hit with all kinds of aggressive marketing [2] to the point where you'll no doubt hear Haley Williams shrieking at your local Safeway, Lucky's, Albertson's or Kroger. Of course, one could assume that this plan will backfire because the record industry is known to shoot itself in the foot often.

The ironic thing about this whole ploy is that it reminds me of this gold plaque that used to hang in the bathroom at Tower Records that had pictures of EPMD, Cypress Hill, Redman and Pearl Jam which congratulated Tower in helping push the longevity of new artists. Oh far the industry has come indeed. Why savor your steak when you can eat an Arby's beef and cheddar sandwich now? [3]

Related Links:
The New Deal: Band as Brand by Jeff Leads (NY Times)

[1]: Why are bands still signing to the Warner Music Group? There's only one successful band on their roster (Death Cab), the rest seem to be disenchanted like The Format, who were dropped after one record.

[2]: See the original example of this model: Fall Out Boy

[3]: Yes, I did draw some long reaching analogy comparing Paramore to rubber tasting, cheesy ass sandwich. Like Arby's food, Paramore isn't very good for your digestive tract.

dv-one: what next?

[Sorry it's taken me a while to spit this out. Shit's been busy]

Last year, Chasing Coolness posted the details of a situation regarding local DJ, DV-One, who was arrested for allegedly assaulting a police officer while protecting his teenage daughter. On Friday,
a jury found DV guilty and, with a previous record, he faces up to five years behind bars.

This is a pretty huge blow for Seattle Hip-Hop, namely because DV is a long standing figure in the community, often organizing and hosting events that helps kids in Seattle's more impoverished neighborhoods get off the streets and active in art and socializing. Sadly, with urban (read: Black and varied ethnicities) neighborhoods getting razed in favor of condos and townhomes, kids need someone like DV-One now more than ever, as families are finding themselves without homes or hope.

Hopefully there will be an appeal, but unlike other hip-hop figures (see: Diddy, Fiddy, T.I, or Snoop), DV-One does not have millions of dollars to throw at litigators, only community support.
[Related Links]
Raindrop Hustla
Seattle Weekly
XXL

another shitty opinion about straight edge that no one will read

So a few nights ago, I went out and saw Modern Life is War. While I was there, I was privy to overhear a conversation between some people who refused to hang out with their former friends because they "sold out," meaning that they had to forgo their straight edge and vegan lifestyles for booze and dairy.

Who gives a fuck?

While I fully respect anyone who subscribes to the edge lifestyle with conviction, I find this sort of dismissive take rather annoying. I don't think people in their twenties should necessarily be judgmental on someone's lifestyle choices or changes per se. I mean, fuck, it doesn't affect you directly unless said person is trying to stick a needle in your arm (which in most cases, they aren't). I wouldn't stop being friends with someone because they decided that animal rights were stupid and went off to go get the Barn Buster from Shari's.

Shit, it's no secret that I live a life of sobriety and I don't eat the meat, but I wouldn't call myself straight edge because I don't necessarily agree with the message and I would be an idiot if I dropped all my friends who drank or smoked a little weed every now and then because, quite frankly, I wouldn't have very many friends.

The idea that people end friendships based on dietary or drinking habits is something that's reserved for children. That's some wack ass middle school drama bullshit. Save that kind of mentality for Degrassi, suckers. If you're 22 and you're severing ties with people because they wanted to eat a Big Mac or drink a Bloody Mary, you have some serious fucking issues to deal with within yourself and you probably shouldn't be preaching your convoluted message to the masses.

political apathy based on e-mails

In the state of Washington, when you register to vote, you have to claim a party. I think that's bullshit because I feel that in order for this country to be a true democracy, I should be able to vote for whoever the fuck I feel like, be it Democrat, Republican or ferret. With the pressure on, I begrudgingly checked off "Democrat." Now, I'm paying for it because those idiots gave my e-mail address away to the party and since elections are drawing near, I have a several e-mails in my inbox from Jams Carville announcing some such bullshit about the Bush administration. Hey, I already know they suck, I don't need that shit taking over my inbox, too. If you want me to keep voting democrat stay the fuck out of my e-mails and let me decide who sucks or not.

Rant over.

make up to break up: the aftermath of 'ye vs. fiddy

It's done, put a fork in the steak because the beef is over. If you haven't heard it anywhere else (which is damn near impossible and also it's sad what passes off for "news" in the U.S.) but Kanye slapped the taste out of 50 Cent's mush mouth, nearing a million units in sales for "Graduation's" debut week. Not to say that "Curtis" didn't fare well, because Chef Boyarfiddy was able to move 700,000 units which is no walk in the park either.

The whole beef/marketing ploy was pretty stupid anyway. I've never supported either one of these dirtbags, but deep inside, I was rooting for Fiddy. Why?

Well here's the thing: while Kanye is good at what he does (being an artsy fartsy rapper, stealing Dilla's production steez, dressing well), he appeals to a pretty safe audience. He makes ears perk by collaborating with artists as diverse as Common, Mos Def, Daft Punk, Peter, Bjorn & John, John Mayer, etc. But at the same time, it also seems like he tries too hard to appeal to everyone. The thing that I liked about his old mixtapes and records (other than raping the fuck out of the Molemen's beatmaking style) was that while they were still considered niche (for backpacking hip-hop fans), they were still gully enough for thugged out dudes, too. These days, it seems as though Kanye is shilling for that Pitchfork money; mostly because people who religiously read Pitchfork will make the effort to go to an actual store and buy a fucking CD.

I've never really cared much for Fiddy but after destroying Cam'ron's career with "Funeral Music," I just really rooted for him to make a diss track of equal caliber for 'Ye. I guess that shit never happened, and he spent so much time talking about how he didn't give a shit about West, it kind of makes you wonder if he secretly had a crush on him, not unlike when you're six years old and you make fun of a girl that you like.

Anyway, as many sites like Nah Right and Ill Doctrine have pointed out, the real winner here is the Universal Media Group, who still ate at your pockets for about $20,400,000 [1]. So bravo, you idiots. Here's to two more years of labels pricing CDs at ridiculously high price points and releasing more shitty rappers!

[1] This was figure was reached by adding the combined sales of "Curtis" and "Graduation" and multiplying them by $12, which is the median sale price at major retailers. UMG probably stands to make way more from this.

fear of a black...well, y'know...

It's been kind of a slow news week and I've mostly been working on a feature that I keep getting extensions for, but because congress is busy running the U.S., my calls have yet to be answered. Shit, people I have a deadline to meet! Anyway, the last few days several sites have been posting little blurbs about Diddy's banned commercial for his new Unforgivable for Ladies fragrance. Nah Right took the liberty of posting the actual ad.

So what do you think? With the type of shit that put on network television (Desperate Housewives, What About Brian, CSI, Law & Order), I'm surprised that this commercial is even an issue. Why MTV, a network publicly known to sell sex before music, got on some sort of puritanical high horse is beyond me. The only thing I can get mad at Diddy for is his stiff performance (yeah, I went there). Clearly, the real television sin is alluding that Diddy got to park his organic Bentley inside Jessica Gomez's ethnically ambiguous vaginal garage. Seriously people, it's 2007, why is interracial canoodling such a big fucking deal?

Are lame ass dudes still living off of the Mandingo stereotypes? Ugh. If anything, the commercial should be used as a motivational tool for bad actors trying to make it in the business (as long as you're a relatively good looking dude, you don't have to act to smash hot girls). Anyway, MTV and Viacom need to get the gasface for perpetuating such bullshit because they're scared of some dude's dong. Whatever, it's early, I'm grumpy.

spitalfield r.i.p.

Chicago's Spitalfield is calling it quits after their upcoming tour this fall. This is a major blow for Victory Records, whose remaining listenable bands have been paired down to Bayside, Darkest Hour, the Smoking Popes and The Forecast. Equally sad is that Spitalfield, once said to be the best and most promising of the neo-Chicago rock resurgence (which also includes The Academy Is, Plain White T's, and some band called Fall Out Boy), never got what they deserved: a fair shot at the spotlight.

So we'll have to weather an even shittier year of releases as another good band falls victim to the reality outside of the music world. Well at least they didn't use the whole "indefinite hiatus" to proclaim their status as an inactive band.

R.I.P.

Recommended Listening:
1. Cloak and Dagger Club EP (Sinister)
2. Stop Doing Bad Things (Victory)
3. Remember Right Now (Victory)