Why I am Not Watching "Watchmen"

As anybody who knows me is aware of, I'm sort of a comic book nerd. And not the kind of asshole who will dismiss every comic book movies because, let's face it, the print medium allows for a lot more leeway in terms of what can be accomplished versus the film medium. I love the Chris Nolan Batman movies as much as I love The Rocketeer and the three X-Men films.

Historically, Alan Moore's work has seldom translated well to film and Moore tends to distance himself from every bit of work of his that has been adapted (see: V for Vendetta, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell, etc.). Watchmen is by far most popular work (next to maybe "The Killing Joke") and with all the hype surrounding it, I'm far more interested in watching "I Love You, Man."

The fact of the matter is that Watchmen was a great story for the 1980s, but these ideals that were explored in the graphic novel have been redone and, in the case of Kingdom Come, done much better. More than anything, however, there's about a million douchebags who are just discovering this shit now which makes it all the more anti-climatic.

Boycott the Watchmen.

The Problem with the Wu

I was fucking around on Nah Right earlier and I saw that there's yet another new Ghostface Killah disc coming out this week. Didn't he just release a new one last year? I'm a fan of Tony Starks and all, but can't we get a proper release date for Raekwon's Dr. Dre-produced "OB4CL2." I realize that for his sheer charisma alone, Ghostface is probably the most likeable member of the Wu, especially since RZA is pretty crazy and Method Man is too busy acting. But that's no excuse to flood the market with throwaway discs. While I have enjoyed "Fish Scale," it pales in comparison to Masta Kila's "No Said Date." Though this little rant has me thinking that a new Inspektah Deck solo album might receive a fairly warm welcome.

When In Doubt, Rip-Off the Brits

This isn't really news per se, but I forgot to post some shit about it when it was announced a few weeks ago, but the WB is giving the awesome late-90s British sitcom, "Spaced" an American run, all without the consultation of its original writers, Simon Pegg and Jessica Stevenson.

As proven with the failure of NBC's take on "Coupling," British shows are often difficult to transfer over to American television, game shows and "The Office," notwithstanding.

The only solace I can gain from this is that "Spaced" is finally getting a U.S. DVD release and so my poor bootleg can finally get some rest (I think I watch this show at least twice a week). Hopefully the American version will be so shitty, Pegg and the gang will reunite for a special to tie up the loose ends, not unlike "The Office Holiday Special."

Dashboard Confessional Covers "Pretty Pathetic"; Smoking Popes to Drop Christianity to Beat Up Carrabba

[Douchebag Confessional]

So I copped Dashboard Confessional's "The Wire Tapes Vol.1" last week and I wasn't really expecting much from it. Despite what others may think, I don't think that Chris Carrabba is as bad as, let's say, the Jonas Brothers, but man did he ever manage to slaughter the Smoking Popes classic, "Pretty Pathetic."

For one thing, Kris Roe of the Ataris did a much more passable cover on the Popes tribute album and this Dashboard rehash pales in comparison -- though in all honesty, both versions suck when measured up to the original.

Carrabba's inability to capture Josh Caterer's monotone style takes away from the songs morose mood and makes it sound like a peppy number best suited for a Gap or Volkswagen ad.

Ugh.

So while I didn't hate Dashboard Confessional before, I can publicly state that Chris Carrabba is on my shitlist.

Bonus Video:

Smoking Popes, "Need You Around/Pretty Pathetic"

Seattle Public Library > Comcast

One of the perks of working for the man is that I occasionally have the luxury of working from home. If I have internet, that is. So today Comcast was supposed to turn on my modem (II) so I didn't have to spend New Year's Eve kickin' it at my office. The bastards were supposed to show up between 8 am and noon. Well they came, but they didn't even bother to press the buzzer.

Because the customer service rep I talked to last week didn't bother changing over my contact information, like I requested, the installer had my disconnected number. Though rather than attempt to hit the buzzer like he should have (my security is independent of phone service), he just assumed that because he had the wrong number that there was no one there, even though my friend was sitting there watching "Sesame Street" waiting for someone.

Due to "other things" I have to run around Seattle all day today, to and from the courthouse and I don't really have the time to fuck with Comcast. So instead, I'm finishing up the last bit of my work before the first holiday of the new year at the public library, whose kindheartedness is allowing me to "check out" their wi-fi.

So the lesson kids: Public Libraries > Comcast.

Fucka Blake Lewis

I've been on the Blake Lewis hate train for quite some time, earlier today Idolator posted the video for the intelligently titled, "Break Anotha." Now I can throw in my two cents.

Dude, this shit sucks.

I'm not sure what's worse: the lava lamp effect, the fact that the video looks like it could've been made by EMF or Jesus Jones, or that the song itself sucks balls. Either way, it's the video and song plays out like a lesser version of that Eamon song that came out a while ago, except watching Eamon go buckwild at a pizza parlor is a lot funnier than the end fight at a Johnny Rockets.

dv-one: what next?

[Sorry it's taken me a while to spit this out. Shit's been busy]

Last year, Chasing Coolness posted the details of a situation regarding local DJ, DV-One, who was arrested for allegedly assaulting a police officer while protecting his teenage daughter. On Friday,
a jury found DV guilty and, with a previous record, he faces up to five years behind bars.

This is a pretty huge blow for Seattle Hip-Hop, namely because DV is a long standing figure in the community, often organizing and hosting events that helps kids in Seattle's more impoverished neighborhoods get off the streets and active in art and socializing. Sadly, with urban (read: Black and varied ethnicities) neighborhoods getting razed in favor of condos and townhomes, kids need someone like DV-One now more than ever, as families are finding themselves without homes or hope.

Hopefully there will be an appeal, but unlike other hip-hop figures (see: Diddy, Fiddy, T.I, or Snoop), DV-One does not have millions of dollars to throw at litigators, only community support.
[Related Links]
Raindrop Hustla
Seattle Weekly
XXL

another shitty opinion about straight edge that no one will read

So a few nights ago, I went out and saw Modern Life is War. While I was there, I was privy to overhear a conversation between some people who refused to hang out with their former friends because they "sold out," meaning that they had to forgo their straight edge and vegan lifestyles for booze and dairy.

Who gives a fuck?

While I fully respect anyone who subscribes to the edge lifestyle with conviction, I find this sort of dismissive take rather annoying. I don't think people in their twenties should necessarily be judgmental on someone's lifestyle choices or changes per se. I mean, fuck, it doesn't affect you directly unless said person is trying to stick a needle in your arm (which in most cases, they aren't). I wouldn't stop being friends with someone because they decided that animal rights were stupid and went off to go get the Barn Buster from Shari's.

Shit, it's no secret that I live a life of sobriety and I don't eat the meat, but I wouldn't call myself straight edge because I don't necessarily agree with the message and I would be an idiot if I dropped all my friends who drank or smoked a little weed every now and then because, quite frankly, I wouldn't have very many friends.

The idea that people end friendships based on dietary or drinking habits is something that's reserved for children. That's some wack ass middle school drama bullshit. Save that kind of mentality for Degrassi, suckers. If you're 22 and you're severing ties with people because they wanted to eat a Big Mac or drink a Bloody Mary, you have some serious fucking issues to deal with within yourself and you probably shouldn't be preaching your convoluted message to the masses.

political apathy based on e-mails

In the state of Washington, when you register to vote, you have to claim a party. I think that's bullshit because I feel that in order for this country to be a true democracy, I should be able to vote for whoever the fuck I feel like, be it Democrat, Republican or ferret. With the pressure on, I begrudgingly checked off "Democrat." Now, I'm paying for it because those idiots gave my e-mail address away to the party and since elections are drawing near, I have a several e-mails in my inbox from Jams Carville announcing some such bullshit about the Bush administration. Hey, I already know they suck, I don't need that shit taking over my inbox, too. If you want me to keep voting democrat stay the fuck out of my e-mails and let me decide who sucks or not.

Rant over.

make up to break up: the aftermath of 'ye vs. fiddy

It's done, put a fork in the steak because the beef is over. If you haven't heard it anywhere else (which is damn near impossible and also it's sad what passes off for "news" in the U.S.) but Kanye slapped the taste out of 50 Cent's mush mouth, nearing a million units in sales for "Graduation's" debut week. Not to say that "Curtis" didn't fare well, because Chef Boyarfiddy was able to move 700,000 units which is no walk in the park either.

The whole beef/marketing ploy was pretty stupid anyway. I've never supported either one of these dirtbags, but deep inside, I was rooting for Fiddy. Why?

Well here's the thing: while Kanye is good at what he does (being an artsy fartsy rapper, stealing Dilla's production steez, dressing well), he appeals to a pretty safe audience. He makes ears perk by collaborating with artists as diverse as Common, Mos Def, Daft Punk, Peter, Bjorn & John, John Mayer, etc. But at the same time, it also seems like he tries too hard to appeal to everyone. The thing that I liked about his old mixtapes and records (other than raping the fuck out of the Molemen's beatmaking style) was that while they were still considered niche (for backpacking hip-hop fans), they were still gully enough for thugged out dudes, too. These days, it seems as though Kanye is shilling for that Pitchfork money; mostly because people who religiously read Pitchfork will make the effort to go to an actual store and buy a fucking CD.

I've never really cared much for Fiddy but after destroying Cam'ron's career with "Funeral Music," I just really rooted for him to make a diss track of equal caliber for 'Ye. I guess that shit never happened, and he spent so much time talking about how he didn't give a shit about West, it kind of makes you wonder if he secretly had a crush on him, not unlike when you're six years old and you make fun of a girl that you like.

Anyway, as many sites like Nah Right and Ill Doctrine have pointed out, the real winner here is the Universal Media Group, who still ate at your pockets for about $20,400,000 [1]. So bravo, you idiots. Here's to two more years of labels pricing CDs at ridiculously high price points and releasing more shitty rappers!

[1] This was figure was reached by adding the combined sales of "Curtis" and "Graduation" and multiplying them by $12, which is the median sale price at major retailers. UMG probably stands to make way more from this.

fear of a black...well, y'know...

It's been kind of a slow news week and I've mostly been working on a feature that I keep getting extensions for, but because congress is busy running the U.S., my calls have yet to be answered. Shit, people I have a deadline to meet! Anyway, the last few days several sites have been posting little blurbs about Diddy's banned commercial for his new Unforgivable for Ladies fragrance. Nah Right took the liberty of posting the actual ad.

So what do you think? With the type of shit that put on network television (Desperate Housewives, What About Brian, CSI, Law & Order), I'm surprised that this commercial is even an issue. Why MTV, a network publicly known to sell sex before music, got on some sort of puritanical high horse is beyond me. The only thing I can get mad at Diddy for is his stiff performance (yeah, I went there). Clearly, the real television sin is alluding that Diddy got to park his organic Bentley inside Jessica Gomez's ethnically ambiguous vaginal garage. Seriously people, it's 2007, why is interracial canoodling such a big fucking deal?

Are lame ass dudes still living off of the Mandingo stereotypes? Ugh. If anything, the commercial should be used as a motivational tool for bad actors trying to make it in the business (as long as you're a relatively good looking dude, you don't have to act to smash hot girls). Anyway, MTV and Viacom need to get the gasface for perpetuating such bullshit because they're scared of some dude's dong. Whatever, it's early, I'm grumpy.

spitalfield r.i.p.

Chicago's Spitalfield is calling it quits after their upcoming tour this fall. This is a major blow for Victory Records, whose remaining listenable bands have been paired down to Bayside, Darkest Hour, the Smoking Popes and The Forecast. Equally sad is that Spitalfield, once said to be the best and most promising of the neo-Chicago rock resurgence (which also includes The Academy Is, Plain White T's, and some band called Fall Out Boy), never got what they deserved: a fair shot at the spotlight.

So we'll have to weather an even shittier year of releases as another good band falls victim to the reality outside of the music world. Well at least they didn't use the whole "indefinite hiatus" to proclaim their status as an inactive band.

R.I.P.

Recommended Listening:
1. Cloak and Dagger Club EP (Sinister)
2. Stop Doing Bad Things (Victory)
3. Remember Right Now (Victory)

these are the end times...

i don't think that an "access hollywood" poll was ever mentioned in "revelations" but i never thought i'd see the day where i was rooting for k "thug life" fed.

the problem with genre webzines

Earlier this evening I was cruising through the Interweb Superhighway and this post caught my eye. After I read the motherfucker, I've come to realize that it's self-important crap like that post that ruins music writing for every other person who can actually piece together a proper sentence.

Even though I'm an active participant in Internet writing, it's no secret that easy access to sites like Livejournal, Blogger, Myspace, etc. are single-handedly killing the idea of proper journalism. Any fucking kid with an Internet connection, an e-mail account and a computer can post on these sites and cultivate some ridiculous identity, albeit from behind a glass screen.

I'm starting to see that these kids who continue to post on sites like AP.net feel like they're deserving of a certain amount of respect, even though they're essentially the pop-punk versions of "Current Affair" or "Inside Edition." There's seldom raw talent to find in the musings of these children; only post after post of fucking hogwash.

Many people think that I'm being harsh, but having contributed to a genre magazine that remains nameless (Skratch, ahem), then I feel like I've earned the right to shit talk some poser kid who feels like they're the king/queen of the scene because they discovered Death Cab last year or started wearing Peta2 shirts that they bought at a Strike Anywhere show.

I'm pretty disgusted with the way that these kids feel like they're entitled to some sort of notoriety because they write random crap about some band that people will forget about in six months. I should know, I've been one of these kids.

Here's the difference, though. I went through this bout of self-importance really early on in my writing career. By the time I was 18, I was so jaded by the assholes in bands I had to interview, I didn't really give a shit about the article -- I just liked seeing my name on the byline. I think it's relatively sad when some dude in their 20's is convinced so much that their little website has changed the world to the point where they are deserving of free shows, free CDs and getting mentioned in shitty magazines. My friend Sarah once said the only thing you deserve in life is death, and I'm apt to believe her statement.

It's not like it matters though. Most of these kids won't ever understand the rush and excitementto see your name in print media. Once the Internet collapses on itself, they'll have no proof that they wrote shit.

What does this have to do with my usual rants about shitty bands? Well nothing and everything. I make no bones about what I do via this forum. I write about bands that I like or dislike, songs that I think are fire and I occasionally post a video on here. Earlier this week, I was asked to contribute to a publication that has very little to do with art or music and it was the first piece that I've written in years that had nothing to do with a band or a movie. And I liked it.

I don't ever think that there will be a time in my life when I don't want to discuss music or pop culture, but writing something completely different than what I'm used to made me realize that I am not a one-trick pony and that these kids can have their free shows and shit. I'll have piece of mind.

why aiden sucks, reason #56129000000153212666.b

capitolizing too late

[not on capitol]

I got to work this morning and I noticed that sitting in a box were two Jimmy Eat World CDs marked "Clarity: Expanded Edition" and "Static Prevails: Expanded Edition." And I scratched my head, baffled.

Quick history: Capitol historically led Jimmy Eat World to the slaughter by not promoting the two best albums that the band recorded under their watch. When Jimmy Eat World were let go, they took the masters of these two records to Nettwerk, who then rereleased them. Sales of these catalog titles, as well as a series of self-funded tours, allowed the band to record "Bleed American," and the rest is pop music history.

I haven't gone off on useless reissues in a while, but seriously, what the fuck is the point of these? The packaging is relatively the same, save some candid photos of the band in the "Static Prevails" liner notes. But for both releases, they contain songs that appeared in 2000's "Singles" compilation, so anyone who remotely likes Jimmy Eat World probably already has these songs. Even if they don't own "Singles," the Internet is fairly easy to navigate through to find these tunes.

This is why major labels are failing: if they're not releasing shitty, single hit based acts, they're "reissuing" records that never really went out-of-print, even moreso, with nothing new to offer. In theory, Capitol (how they got the rights back to these remains unanswered) will ship at least 250,000 units of each album, regardless of the fact that most Jimmy Eat World diehards already own these albums and the "bonus" tracks. This is like fucking "Pet Sounds" all over again.

Save your money, wait for Jimmy Eat World's new record in the fall and don't waste your money on Capitol attempting to recoup their funds six years too late.

kate voegele = fake ass michelle branch

Kate Voegele
"Don't Look Away"
(MySpace)

There's absolutely no reason to listen to Kate Voegele's debut long player on MySpace Records, "Don't Look Away." From the opening chords of the first track, "Chicago," the rest of the album moves at a snail's pace, heavily borrowing from Michelle Branch.

Here are some quick facts about this album:

• Kate Voegele is not that hot.
• Kate Voegele does the Katie Holmes-lip curl-thing, which is worth a download of the album cover.
• Kate Voegele couldn't sing her way out of a paper bag.

This is absolutely horrid. Being on MySpace Records, I have this suspicion that Voegele's fans are either jockish dudes, creepy old men or empowered young girls whose entire CD collection is made up of shit like Hannah Montana, Aly & AJ and the Cheetah Girls. Don't let Tom persuade you into spending your money or wasting precious time trying to listen to this poor excuse of an album. Kate Voegele is jut a fake ass Michelle Branch.

note to labels: stop watermarking your discs if you want people to review them!

[Uncle Lyor DOES NOT want you to listen to this CD]

So in the 11 years or so that I've been writing, I've seldom had problems with Copy Protected CDs. Even in the wake of the new Watermarking system that labels have put in place, I've found ways around them so I could begin to listen to the discs for review. About a week and a half ago, I received a promo of the new Eisley album, "Combinations," which was watermarked. I didn't really see this as a problem since my promo copy of their debut, "Room Noises," was also watermarked and I was actually able to upload the batch onto my iTunes.

This morning, I decided to listen to "Combinations," so I brought in my archaic portable CD player, just in case it didn't work on my computer (it didn't). And guess what? The stupid CD doesn't play in that either. As you may have seen in a previous post, watermarked discs also don't play in DVD players and car audio systems. So I ask you, Reprise/Warner Brothers, "Where am I supposed to listen to this CD that you want me to review?"

I'm not sure if Eisley is a priority to their label since they can't even release a playable promo, then again, Reprise is also the same label responsible for giving us a third Used album, so maybe they don't even have their fingers on the pulse of contemporary pop music.

Perhaps Reprise is aware that even though I had a promo of "Room Noises," complete with a bonus track, I went out and bought the CD anyway to have a real copy with artwork. Perhaps they thought that I would do the same with this Eisley album.

Well played, Reprise, well played.

tanks for the memories, indeed

So AP.net posted a clip of a contestant covering the last Fall Out Boy single, "Thnks Fr th Mmrs" on "Canadian Idol." Feel free to watch it first....



Are you scratching your head as much as I am? I don't know which part of this video I should be more offended by: the song that homegirl covered, her outfit and her hair, or her atrocious take on the English language.

I guess this is the sort of thing you can anticipate when you're in a multi-platinum rock band and shows like "American Idol" exist, but geez, couldn't Fall Out Boy put the brakes on this? Or at least had their label step in?

Additionally, for all the awesome things about Canada (nationwide health care, lowered crime rates, Tim Horton's), it's a little mind-boggling that they're about three years late stylistically. Maybe it's just the girl who decided that she should look like Andrea Zollo circa 2002, but Canada isn't that far away from the U.S. doesn't she know that it's all about legwarmers and hippie dresses? Maybe it's because she's French-Canadian. Far be it for me to also point out her awesome usage of devil horns (doesn't anybody shimmy with jazz hands anymore?) and her contrived headbanging. I was actually kind of bummed that she didn't try to break out with some serious windmills or some other form of ape-ish hardcore dance.

Well in any event, this video alone is proof of how ridiculous Fall Out Boy's lyrics really are, but even moreso how ridiculous the people who enjoy their current record are. If record companies are wondering why they keep losing money, I have three minutes and 50 seconds worth of evidence in this post, eh.

[on a sidenote: did anyone find it weird that "Canadian Idol" looks like it was shot in a shopping mall? and did anyone else find it strange that there's a longhair rocking a misfits shirt while sitting through that performance?]

[Related Links]
Ryan Hart sings Silverstein on "American Idol"

shake the sheets: the 2k7 so far...

It's June, which means that we're at the halfway point of the year. It seems like a good time, if any, to compile one of those awesome lists that no one will give two shits about next week.

Best Pop Album
Tegan & Sara, "The Con" (Vapor/Warner Bros)
Guided by Death Cab guitarist Chris Walla, "The Con" finds the duo's brand of pop taking a turn for the darkside, Redman-stylee.

Rookie of the (Mid) Year
Dawhud
Brilliant lyrics, dope production. Dawhud's self-released album, "Basement Sessions," might be the best hip-hop album that you haven't heard yet. This dude has already blown up, it's just up to the rest of the world to catch up.

Best Hip-Hop Album
KRS-One & Marley Marl, "Hip-Hop Lives" (Koch)
It could be argued that these two heavyweights collaborated simply for the purpose of making a buck from nostalgic cats like me. It would've been easy for Kris and Marl to make a slap-dashed effort and a terrible, underwhelming release. But they didn't. They made one of the best hip-hop records in the last three years. In these days when dudes like T.I., MIMS, and Polow da Don are the go-to-guys for popular hip-hop, it's kind of nice to know that the older generation looms around the corner, ready to take these less-talented newbies down a peg or two.

Already Overhyped Artist
Lily Allen/Amy Winehouse
Aren't they the same person?

I Can't Believe They Fell Off
Little Brother/Justus League
I still have pretty high hopes for Phonte and Big Pooh, but that crew mixtape they put out. Mediocre when compared to the genius of "The Minstrel Show." Hopefully they'll get their shit together soon.

Worst Hip-Hop Album (So Far)
There are so many, I can't really pick one. Lil Wayne? He probably has some album/mixtape out there that I can tear apart.


Worst Pop-Rock Album (So Far)
Fall Out Boy (aka Fallzouutboi69), "Infinity on High" (Island Def Jam)
If I have to hear another goddamn commercial with a song from this stupid, terrible album, I'm going to go to Wal-Mart and start kicking soccer balls everywhere in protest.