make up to break up: the aftermath of 'ye vs. fiddy

It's done, put a fork in the steak because the beef is over. If you haven't heard it anywhere else (which is damn near impossible and also it's sad what passes off for "news" in the U.S.) but Kanye slapped the taste out of 50 Cent's mush mouth, nearing a million units in sales for "Graduation's" debut week. Not to say that "Curtis" didn't fare well, because Chef Boyarfiddy was able to move 700,000 units which is no walk in the park either.

The whole beef/marketing ploy was pretty stupid anyway. I've never supported either one of these dirtbags, but deep inside, I was rooting for Fiddy. Why?

Well here's the thing: while Kanye is good at what he does (being an artsy fartsy rapper, stealing Dilla's production steez, dressing well), he appeals to a pretty safe audience. He makes ears perk by collaborating with artists as diverse as Common, Mos Def, Daft Punk, Peter, Bjorn & John, John Mayer, etc. But at the same time, it also seems like he tries too hard to appeal to everyone. The thing that I liked about his old mixtapes and records (other than raping the fuck out of the Molemen's beatmaking style) was that while they were still considered niche (for backpacking hip-hop fans), they were still gully enough for thugged out dudes, too. These days, it seems as though Kanye is shilling for that Pitchfork money; mostly because people who religiously read Pitchfork will make the effort to go to an actual store and buy a fucking CD.

I've never really cared much for Fiddy but after destroying Cam'ron's career with "Funeral Music," I just really rooted for him to make a diss track of equal caliber for 'Ye. I guess that shit never happened, and he spent so much time talking about how he didn't give a shit about West, it kind of makes you wonder if he secretly had a crush on him, not unlike when you're six years old and you make fun of a girl that you like.

Anyway, as many sites like Nah Right and Ill Doctrine have pointed out, the real winner here is the Universal Media Group, who still ate at your pockets for about $20,400,000 [1]. So bravo, you idiots. Here's to two more years of labels pricing CDs at ridiculously high price points and releasing more shitty rappers!

[1] This was figure was reached by adding the combined sales of "Curtis" and "Graduation" and multiplying them by $12, which is the median sale price at major retailers. UMG probably stands to make way more from this.

save the dj drama 4 ya mama

So as Idolator and XXL have already reported, the Feds busted T.I.'s go-to-guy, DJ Drama and his partner, DJ Don Cannon for selling mixtapes, i.e. "bootlegs" or "illegal CDs." While I'm not the biggest DJ Drama fan (it's Kay Slay or nuffin'), as a mixtape enthusiast and practitioner, I'm a little irked.

See, back when dudes like DJ Clue, Funkmaster Flex and Kid Capri were releasing mixtapes on major labels, the record companies were absolutely ecstatic. These DJs were basically putting out promotional material for labels that didn't cost them shit. Meanwhile, DJs got exclusive songs and everybody was happy. During the heyday of major label mixtapes (1996-2002), the RIAA didn't say shit, perhaps because these mixtapes were under the radar or because they were selling. Who knows?

With the Internet rapidly becoming the source for music fans and sales of physical content declining, the RIAA is running around like a headless chicken looking for someone to catch heat, where better to begin than with hip-hop's biggest criminals, the DJs.

calling BS on miss usa's fake rehab crisis

So for whatever reason (probably a slow news day), MSN and Yahoo were abuzz with the story of America's beloved Miss USA (nee Tara Conner) going to rehab for her partying ways. Although she's probably at least 12 steps (zing!) from showing her goods, Britney-stylee, this whole situation makes me wretch for a few reasons.

1. She got to keep her title and crown.
2. She's kind of gross looking and she's representing our lovely little nation?
3. Does anyone care about beauty queens anymore?

The fact that she got to keep her title and tiara alone is enough for me to call bullshit on this whole debacle. Back in 1984, the best singer of all time, Vanessa Williams, was forced to resign because she posed nude for some pictures. Those pictures didn't hurt anybody or put people in harm's way. Yet Conner, if she is the heavy drinker that the media alledges, could've mauled over some people in a vehicle or busted some glass in someone's eye like Dilana in "Rockstar: Supernova." What the crap? So why did Williams get the boot and Conner hasn't? Easy: race.

No one ever wants to deal with the general discomfort of race relations in America, but sometimes you have to call it. The Aryan poster child who potentially could've ruined lives with her alcoholic ways gets to keep her damn crown, while a woman who represented an entire race of people -- as well as the nation -- is forced to bow out because she had taken some naked pictures TWO YEARS prior to winning the competition. I call bullshit.

Also, Tara Conner is kind of busted looking. For all the money that got dumped into her image so she could win some crappy title that the general public seldom gives two craps about, she looks like she works at Ann Taylor. Yeah, she doesn't even look cute enough to work at Forever 21, the Gap or Urban Outfitters. Well maybe Forever 21, but the last two? Not even.

And lastly, does anyone even give a shit about beauty queens anymore? When's the last time someone who wins a national or international competition commanded this kind of media attention? Maybe back in the 1970's and 80's. But in today's internet-driven world, it's more likely that the girl who serves me cocoa down at Tully's will be more known for winning The Stranger's "Hottest Barista" title than most of Seattle knowing who the hell Tara Conner is. Hell, the contestants (not even the winners) of America's Next Top Model command more notoriety and respect than Miss USA, Miss America or Miss World.

So while I'm sort of bothered by the fact that this blonde got to keep her dumb tiara or whatever, I guess I can be rest assured that in a year or two, no one will remember 2006's Miss USA, and if they do, they'll just refer to her as "the drunk one."

Related Links
Vanessa Williams at Wikipedia
Drop Dead Gorgeous at IMDB