i write a lot and not everything gets published or i need an immediate outlet to get my thoughts across. so there ya go.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Racism Still Exists in America; Chasing Coolness is Not Surprised
It's a rather bittersweet time to be a person who's interested in American politics. On the one hand, we're witnessing some of the most radical changes to the status quo in quite sometime (and granted it's not as radical as, let's say, the Marcos Exile in the 1980s or Castro taking Cuba, but give America a little credit) and yet it's marred with pictures like this.
These ridiculous tea-bagging (if you haven't seen the Rachel Maddow video, Google it; it's hilarious) parties that have been going on around the country just serve as a reminder of much closer to idiocracy we are as a society. I may not agree with these dumb events, but I'm not going stop them from congregating. I am, however, appalled (though not shocked) that for many people, it was more about their displeasure of having a Black man as our President. People are bullshit.
What kind of a world do we live in where I can find a perfectly good copy of this album for $.99? It's absurd, I tell you. It should've been at least $1.99.
Jay-Z briefly woke up from his coma of being married to one of the most stunning women on the planet and counting his collection of Fabrege eggs to perform at President Obama's inaugriation ball last night and played a rather subdued, if not totally boring, performance.
I would like to say that he was playing up for the suits, but let's face it, Jay hasn't done very many good records as of late. His last listenable track, "Brooklyn Go Hard," was okay, but it's not on par with "Brooklyn's Finest" or "4 Alarm Blaze;" hell, even "Change Clothes" was pretty good.
I realize that at this point in his career, Jay-Z the rapper is secondary to Jay-Z the celebrity, but if you're famous for being a musician, you should at least practice your craft and try to sound interesting, it's how LL Cool J has managed to stay relevant (not to mention look eternally young) for so long.
Chasing Coolness Doesn’t Understand the Appeal of Asher Roth; White People in Uproar
I never really understood what makes Asher Roth better than, let’s say, Prozack Turner, RA the Rugged Man, Miilkbone or a host of other white dudes who rap whose names aren’t Eminem or Vanilla Ice (that comparison was way too easy). In many ways, I should probably like Asher Roth just based on the fact that he looks/acts like the kind of guy I would hang out with. Except for the fact that that spot is already filled by my friend Corey Ball.
Unlike Corey, Roth doesn’t have a grasp on golden age classics (like the first three Tribe records) and most appalling of all is that his introduction to hip-hop was “Hard Knock Life.” Really? Hard Knock Fucking Life? This dude probably never heard of MOP prior to “Ante Up.”
But as is such, Asher Roth’s backpacker appeal with his Target model good looks has made him a lusted object for bloggers who are too afraid of Scarface to listen to real rap music and chicks who heart Danity Kane (or what’s left of them). Roth’s greatest asset is that he’s the semi-legit/edgy rapper that is there for when non-hip-hop rap fans are ready to graduate from MC Lars and MC Chris to something a little bit more substantial, which Roth is, particularly compared to the other two.
Yet sucky is sucky and I can’t deny that I would much rather listen to someone like Crooked I or Joe Budden than this lame ass carbon copy of the dudes from Lexicon.
so a couple nights ago, i posted some shit about why "high school musical" sucks (here's a quick version: "hsm" doesn't have too many non-white kids and it's a glorification of an institution that breaks your spirit and there's no reason why anybody over the age of 15 should like it). long story short: kids got pissed. they jumped to the defense of their favorite whitebread heroes and burned crosses in the name of mickey (okay, i made that last part up, but you get the point).
the former, however, was true and i personally think that kids should be embarrassed for supporting such a film that promotes being a dunderhead.
here are the facts: "high school musical" is not like real life; hell, high school isn't like real life. high school is stupid. the only reason why i would want to go back to high school is just to see if the thing that i left in the panel above my locker is still there (apologies to whoever got stuck with locker number 423).
i have these ideals and i like to rattle the cages, other peopleseem to have the same idea about teenagers today. save the empire, damn the man.
[I Can't Believe They Got Signed is my new feature in which we discuss why an artist shouldn't have released an album and why the current record model is rapidly heading to ruin]
The Offender: Katy Perry The Evidence: I Kissed a Girl Perfect Jury: Jill Sobule, Kathleen Hanna, Cyndi Lauper, Joni Mitchell, Grace Slick, Kira Roessler
Katy Perry, with her husky voice and Zooey Deschanel doppelganger looks, is the summer’s biggest star, placing her in the upper echelons of other summer anthem makers such as Skee-Lo, Montell Jordan, New Radicals, Vitamin C, Len, Wheatus and Dynamite Hack. The thing about being one of those acts is that if you’re not relegated to Reality TV shows with other D-List celebrities or county fairs, then you’re career is pretty much over (and hey, I liked Skee-Lo’s album).
Perry’s overproduced debut album, with its girlicious single “I Kissed a Girl,” is currently being shucked-and-jived for the Warped Tour crowd, who apparently are just as vapid as Perry herself. Perry’s image – a walking American Apparel billboard – is pretty much the only thing she has going for her. Hell, she could’ve made a fairly respectable “career” being a muse for one of those internet photographers like The Cobrasnake (God knows he’s probably sick of that Cory Kennedy and Steve “The New Long Duc Dong” Aoki).
Instead, Perry’s antics as a musical siren resulted in a plastic disc that costs $2 to manufacture and we’re expected to pay $13+ for. Bullshit. The mere existence of Katy Perry as a musical act is akin to Michael Bay’s existence as a film director. They both have respective roles in entertainment and people pay their hard earned money to indulge themselves in these atrocities that pass themselves off as art, when at the end of the day, it’s really a trite peace of crap with nothing new to offer to the masses.
Katy Perry and her album, the over-sexualized, “One of the Boys,” is the kind of deplorable waste that’s destined for the $.99 dust bin. It spits in the face of women who’ve made strides in popular music despite the male domineering environment (see: 7 Year Bitch, Bikini Kill, or even Eisley). The faux girl power atmosphere that Perry offers is not unlike Foxy Brown and Lil’ Kim’s “sex-as-a-weapon” mantra.
Then again, this time next year, there will probably be some new chanteuse who’s making the hits, while Perry plots out a tour with the likes of Bif Naked (Google that name).
last week, james and i saw "forgetting sarah marshall" and the trailer for "wanted" played before the flick. ugh.
for those of you who aren't total nerds, "wanted" was this sweet comic by mark millar that was about a secret league of assassins; this movie makes said group look like a bunch of pussies with morgan freeman as (probably) the only redeeming quality of the flick. angelina jolie's in it but she tends to ruin movies for me (except for "hackers").
a few years ago, mark millar expressed interest in getting eminem to play the lead guy, which would've been much better since homedude looks like marshall mathers in the comic.
anyway, this trailer did not look appealing at all. what a crock of shit.
It's no secret that I'm not the biggest Gym Class Heroes fan. I could go on for another three paragraphs on my usual onslaught of comparing them to Crazytown, but what's the point? You little kids wouldn't know a good emcee if Rakim the God was in your living room doing "My Melody" for you and your mom.
This sentiment is proved by the unexplained popularity of Tyga, a Compton-based rapper who's currently shilling for Pete Wentz's Decaydance Records, also the home of Gym Class Heroes. Also, this Tyga kid the cousin of that Travis dude from said Heroes group. And who says nepotism doesn't pay off?
Earlier I shaved minutes off my life by watching Tyga's video for his debut single "Coconut Juice." First off, the beat is a total rip of circa-2001 Neptunes. It sounded too much like something that would've been on Clipse's "Hell Hath No Fury." In fact, Chad, Pharrell, Malice and Pusha T should pay Tyga a visit...with a cease and desist. The video also boasts a really odd cameo from Lil' Wayne who's just sitting behind a soundboard, playing with his cell phone.
The song as a whole sucks, and Tyga's not a very good rapper. I would liken him to Domino, and at least "Getto Jam" was catchy. "Coconut Juice" is pretty much a filler song that a DJ might play to take up space between "I Get Around" and "Big Pimpin'." What I find more disturbing is that little pop-punk kids will buy this shit and think of it as eclectic because they bought what they've been tricked into thinking is a rap record, when it's really a pop record with makeshift street cred.
Tyga, along with his Gym Class brethren, is just another dude who's joining Skee-Lo, Biz Markie and Kanye West in the line of Black rappers that White kids can listen to around their parents. I'm not trying to discount the talents of Skee-Lo, the Biz and (to a far lesser extent) 'Ye, but man, how about some Dead Prez? X-Clan? Poor Righteous Teachers?
I suppose my big gripe about Gym Class Heroes and Tyga is that for these kids who don't listen to hip-hop on a regular basis, the buck stops there for them. Most don't go off to discover Gang Starr, Blahzay Blahzay, The Click, Mac Mall or Shyheim. All these non-threatening rappers are just a clean, glamed up version of LCD (Lowest Common Denominator) Rap -- their records are cheaply put together, not well thoughtout and exist to only sell units and simultaneously destroy communities. If anything, Crossover Rappers like the ones who are signed to Decaydance only perpetuate the stereotypes of African-Americans that long-in-the-tooth rappers such as Common (Sense) have spent years trying to dismantle.
My solution: don't buy Tyga's new record and send his wannabe Sean Kingston-sounding ass back to flippin' meat at Fatburger. Instead, spend your money on the new Joell Ortiz record, or throw some money towards Crooked I -- there's a real Compton rapper who could use an album or five.
[bad hair, bad skin, bad look. why do eems want to make out with her?]
Paramore's lone visibly interesting (i.e. the non-ugly guy) member Hayley Williams is probably one of the worst female role models ever. Now before you go off on some "Oh you wacky Asian, you don't know what you're talking about..." type shit, let's examine the facts:
1. I was raised by a single mom for pretty much my entire adolescent life.
2. I have a daughter.
3. Being raised by a single parent in the Asian-American community (with its ultra-conservative values, especially in the 1980s) pretty much trumps whatever type of suburban, faux riot grrrl bullshit you can throw my way (and I don't mean you, Kathleen Hanna).
That said, Williams' recent interview with Rolling Stone shows that not only is she an unfit role model for young girls everywhere, but that she's kinda dumb. Don't believe me? Here are some of homegirl's quotes:
"I don't know too much about guns. I want to get a little revolver, and the guys have shotguns, but all I know is that it's fun to be a little hillbilly sometimes. I mean, you grow up in the country and everyone's got a gun."
Awesome, just awesome. Hey, I don't have problem with people owning guns (unless they have children around them, which always ends badly) but owning a gun for the sake of owning a gun (and making it seem like you're less American if you don't) seems a little stupid. This is a pretty bad look considering all the public shootings (i.e. Virginia Tech, the high school in Illinois, the Tacoma Mall hostage situation, etc.) that have been going on.
"I'm not really into female vocalists, at least not in our world right now. I don't think I would ever listen to our band, honestly. I love our music."
So she hates female singers, but not in "our world." Earth? So you hate all girl singers? Clarity, Hayley, clarity! I'm assuming she means in the pop-punk-emo-Warped Tour genre. In that case, I can think of a slew of other bands that are much better: Dance Hall Crashers, Meg & Dia, The Rentals (which is technically fronted by Matt Sharp, but the Hayden sisters do play a pretty big part), The Catch, Schoolyard Heroes, Ginger Sling, The Gossip, Tegan & Sara, Walls of Jericho, Spark is a Diamond, Eisley...do I need to go on?
"The first real show that I think I ever went to was Copeland...."
Okay, that is just fucking sad.
As you can see from these choice quotes alone, Williams isn't really the best ambassador and while she does represent a minority in an insanely popular genre, she's not really offering up anything other than a false sense of empowerment. Even the video for the whore-warning anthem, "Misery Business," still shows Williams glamed up to take down the school's resident beyotch. Williams only spits the kind of waned, generic "you-go-girl" rhetoric that Gwen Stefani tacked on during the end days of No Doubt.
There have been plenty of stories that relayed young girls who are into the pop-punk scene who look at Williams as something of a demigod, yet they also buy the same records that (inadvertently) slam women. And at the end of the day, Paramore's hit sophomore release, "Riot," isn't that different from the likes Dashboard Confessional or Fall Out Boy, which -- at the most minimalist level -- can be considered misogynist.
But, kids are still going to buy their shirts and support this band that have absolutely nothing to offer in both music and message. The only solace I have is that they really won't mean anything to anybody in a few years.
If you watched "Project Runway" this season, you'll get a kick out of this video....
There's a rumor that CBS is going to axe my beloved show "How I Met Your Mother." Is this really necessary? I mean, CBS already killed the respectable, "The Class," last year and now they're going to take shots at my man, Ted Mosby? What are they going to replace it with? "CSI: Sioux Falls?" Bullshit.
Anyway, do yourselves a favor and bombard CBS with angry e-mails to let them know that Ted, Marshall, Barney, Lily and Robin are all deserving of at least another season so we know how the fuck Ted met Luke and Leia's mother.
Californians stop cursing; New Yorkers call them "Pussies!"
So on MSN.com today, a story ran about some shithole town in California where they've banned cursing.
According to the piece, they're amazed that the catalyst for this was (GASP!) a teenage boy!
Quote the raven: "I finally told my friends, `I don't cuss.' And I said, `If you want to hang out with me, you don't cuss.'"
So here we have some little bastard who doesn't swear, which is fine, but telling people what to do is fucking fascist. I don't eat meat, but I don't sit there and tell people about the evils of eating a dead animal -- you want to put chicken in your stomach, that's your own business.
Outside of writing, I don't swear that much, but reading this really let my inner Sam Kinison out. I mean, who the hell has a no cursing club? Oh, that's right, this idiot kid. And the fact that an entire town is willing to follow suit (and break a few Constitutionally amended rights to boot) just shows how stupid people can be.
This is why California (except for San Francisco and San Diego) sucks donkey balls. The next time you're in South Pasadena just start calling random people (except for children) four-letter words. They deserve it.
On every 13 year old's favorite website, one of my least favorite bands, The Starting Line, announced that they were -- in effect -- taking a break.
How many people cared (if it were 2001): 12,000,000,000,000,000,000,001
How many people cared yesterday: 2
The fiasco surrounding this shitty band's break-up was cooler than the actual announcement...and the band, as they did this via a "virtual press conference" (i.e. chat room).
Lesson learned: The Starting Line is calling it quits seven years too late.
I was trolling through AP for whatever reason (boredom/tired of the MTV's "Top Model" marathon, etc.) and in the comments for the Hayley Williams/NFG duet post for "It Ain't Me, Babe," some kid compares the young Williams to June Carter Cash.
Um... WTF?
I could go on some long rant about how clearly misinformed the kids who post on this site are, but it never doesn't any good. And I'll probably rile up Anton "King of the Internets" Djamoos again and then it'll be this whole non-friendly back and forth on my comments section and I'll only end up laughing hysterically, not unlike last time.
So in lieu of entertaining misinformed (and possibly insane) Paramore fans, I'm taking the easy way out and posting a clip of one of my favorite hip-hop songs from the 90's.
Not that pop-punk kids would care about hip-hop that doesn't somehow involve Dangermouse, Atmosphere or Gym Class Heroes (and to a lesser extent, MC Lars), but whatever. They're probably scared of Black people, too.
One of the perks of working for the man is that I occasionally have the luxury of working from home. If I have internet, that is. So today Comcast was supposed to turn on my modem (II) so I didn't have to spend New Year's Eve kickin' it at my office. The bastards were supposed to show up between 8 am and noon. Well they came, but they didn't even bother to press the buzzer.
Because the customer service rep I talked to last week didn't bother changing over my contact information, like I requested, the installer had my disconnected number. Though rather than attempt to hit the buzzer like he should have (my security is independent of phone service), he just assumed that because he had the wrong number that there was no one there, even though my friend was sitting there watching "Sesame Street" waiting for someone.
Due to "other things" I have to run around Seattle all day today, to and from the courthouse and I don't really have the time to fuck with Comcast. So instead, I'm finishing up the last bit of my work before the first holiday of the new year at the public library, whose kindheartedness is allowing me to "check out" their wi-fi.
I've been on the Blake Lewis hate train for quite some time, earlier today Idolator posted the video for the intelligently titled, "Break Anotha." Now I can throw in my two cents.
Dude, this shit sucks.
I'm not sure what's worse: the lava lamp effect, the fact that the video looks like it could've been made by EMF or Jesus Jones, or that the song itself sucks balls. Either way, it's the video and song plays out like a lesser version of that Eamon song that came out a while ago, except watching Eamon go buckwild at a pizza parlor is a lot funnier than the end fight at a Johnny Rockets.
As Punknews.org and Idolator reported earlier today, my favorite band in the known world, Paramore (no Cam'ron peeing on the dude in the beginning of "Killa Season"), signed to Atlantic [1] and as a part of their contract, agreed to some arcane deal that allows the label to have their hands deeper into the band's pockets, as well as their touring profits and schedules, in exchange for a substantial cash offering (otherwise called a 360).
This all seems like a bad idea since labels are subsequently dumping large amounts of cash into a band and (probably) expecting to recoup their money as quickly as possible since the current model with major labels is turn a profit rather than turn out an artist. The good news is that if you like a band like Paramore, then you'll be hit with all kinds of aggressive marketing [2] to the point where you'll no doubt hear Haley Williams shrieking at your local Safeway, Lucky's, Albertson's or Kroger. Of course, one could assume that this plan will backfire because the record industry is known to shoot itself in the foot often.
The ironic thing about this whole ploy is that it reminds me of this gold plaque that used to hang in the bathroom at Tower Records that had pictures of EPMD, Cypress Hill, Redman and Pearl Jam which congratulated Tower in helping push the longevity of new artists. Oh far the industry has come indeed. Why savor your steak when you can eat an Arby's beef and cheddar sandwich now? [3]
[1]: Why are bands still signing to the Warner Music Group? There's only one successful band on their roster (Death Cab), the rest seem to be disenchanted like The Format, who were dropped after one record.
[2]: See the original example of this model: Fall Out Boy
[3]: Yes, I did draw some long reaching analogy comparing Paramore to rubber tasting, cheesy ass sandwich. Like Arby's food, Paramore isn't very good for your digestive tract.
[Sorry it's taken me a while to spit this out. Shit's been busy]
Last year, Chasing Coolness posted the details of a situation regarding local DJ, DV-One, who was arrested for allegedly assaulting a police officer while protecting his teenage daughter. On Friday, a jury found DV guilty and, with a previous record, he faces up to five years behind bars.
This is a pretty huge blow for Seattle Hip-Hop, namely because DV is a long standing figure in the community, often organizing and hosting events that helps kids in Seattle's more impoverished neighborhoods get off the streets and active in art and socializing. Sadly, with urban (read: Black and varied ethnicities) neighborhoods getting razed in favor of condos and townhomes, kids need someone like DV-One now more than ever, as families are finding themselves without homes or hope.
Hopefully there will be an appeal, but unlike other hip-hop figures (see: Diddy, Fiddy, T.I, or Snoop), DV-One does not have millions of dollars to throw at litigators, only community support. [Related Links] Raindrop Hustla Seattle Weekly XXL
another shitty opinion about straight edge that no one will read
So a few nights ago, I went out and saw Modern Life is War. While I was there, I was privy to overhear a conversation between some people who refused to hang out with their former friends because they "sold out," meaning that they had to forgo their straight edge and vegan lifestyles for booze and dairy.
Who gives a fuck?
While I fully respect anyone who subscribes to the edge lifestyle with conviction, I find this sort of dismissive take rather annoying. I don't think people in their twenties should necessarily be judgmental on someone's lifestyle choices or changes per se. I mean, fuck, it doesn't affect you directly unless said person is trying to stick a needle in your arm (which in most cases, they aren't). I wouldn't stop being friends with someone because they decided that animal rights were stupid and went off to go get the Barn Buster from Shari's.
Shit, it's no secret that I live a life of sobriety and I don't eat the meat, but I wouldn't call myself straight edge because I don't necessarily agree with the message and I would be an idiot if I dropped all my friends who drank or smoked a little weed every now and then because, quite frankly, I wouldn't have very many friends.
The idea that people end friendships based on dietary or drinking habits is something that's reserved for children. That's some wack ass middle school drama bullshit. Save that kind of mentality for Degrassi, suckers. If you're 22 and you're severing ties with people because they wanted to eat a Big Mac or drink a Bloody Mary, you have some serious fucking issues to deal with within yourself and you probably shouldn't be preaching your convoluted message to the masses.
Schoolyard Heroes = Most Unthreatening White Kids Evar
So if you read ap.net or punknews.org or any other semi-reputable webzine, then you've heard of the recent local shitstorm involving Seattle's own Schoolyard Heroes and some "concerned" parents who are attempting to boycott the band's First Amendment rights by citing some B.S. linking the band's lyrics to Satanic imagery. I wonder if Alkaline Trio ever gets hate mail from parents?
Anyway, this is really all a bunch of crap. Having known the SH kids for a few years, I can attest that as people they are far from Satanists or evil. In fact, how many Satanists do you know that proudly listen to Queen? Not many. Most fake goths are still rocking the Manson tees and shit. The only thing I can fault Schoolyard Heroes, or specifically mouthpiece and bassist Jonah Bergman, is being a bad Jew. I mean, Jonah, you have tattoos and you eat pork, seriously, what would your Rabbi say about that? Personal diet aside, Schoolyard Heroes will probably avoid getting banned because a) their records are really fucking good and b) the idiots who are "taking a stand" are just getting them more press.
